Monday, September 26, 2011

Monday (Morning) Music at Midnight :)

Because, really, who can't relate to this at some point in their life?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


I'm laughing right now, because I pissed someone off.

Yup, I lost a follower because I wrote a seriously bitchy blog.

Clearly, I was having a bad day. But in all fairness, I did just get blindsided by the fact that I had been completely betrayed by not 1, but 2 people close to me.

So I'm giving myself props for only writing some rude-but-true things instead of committing an act of physical violence.

And as the saying goes:

If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best!

So if you can't handle the occasional emotional bitchfest, it's probably best that you just leave now!

I assure you, I'll be just fine without you!


Your Day, In Great Detail

Ha. My day.
Yep, let's talk about that.

I chalk most of my days up to overall successes or failures.

If I hurt someone deeply, or did something I regretted, or didn't better myself as a person or help improve someone else's life, then that day is an overall failure.

If however, I accomplish something awesome, treat people with respect and dignity, make this world a better place for my children, or learn something that enhances my world, then the day is a success.

Well, today was a success. A HUGE success actually.

I learned who my real friends are. I found out who I can trust. I learned who I need in my life, and who I don't. I got rid of some baggage that had to go. I asserted my self-worth, and stood up for myself against someone trying to tear me down. I realized I am completely self-sufficient, and strong, and capable. This reminder is exactly what I needed.

Today I was reminded that you are treated the way you allow people to treat you. If you let people lie to you and take advantage to you and use you, they will. If you demand better, those kind of people will be removed from your life and you will have room in your world for people that deserve to be there.

Today, I tucked my babies in bed and kissed them goodnight and assured them that they were safe and secure, and that I would always be here to love them and take care of them. I reminded them that we, the Three Muskateers, would always have each other, and that would always be enough. I remembered that I AM enough, despite my insecurities as a mom that make me question myself. I reminded myself that I'm pretty good at this single momma thing, and that no matter what else I accomplish in my life, raising these 2 little guys to love others, love themselves, follow their dreams, and help others do the same is the MOST important job I will ever have.

Today I took a step towards my future. A better tomorrow than yesterday. I opened doors to new opportunities, new adventures, and new people. I'm letting go of the things that sour my life, and not looking back. When you wallow in the mud, you stay dirty. When you climb out of it and stay clean, it's amazing how much better life looks.

Today I remembered that I'm not responsible for all the shit that happens to me. But I AM responsible for my reactions. I realized that some people spend their lives bringing others down instead of bettering themselves, and the only way to not get sucked in is to stay high above them.

And I've learned that a whore is always a whore. A liar is always a liar. And a pig is always a pig - even if you give it a bath.

So today, I'd definitely count as a success.

Let's Talk About...

Friends. Whores. Or better YET, whores who pretend to be friends.

Come on, you know the type... The girls in high school who would act like your best friend to your face, and then the second you walk away they are talking ridiculous shit. That girl who will pretend to listen to your relationship problems, and then f*ck your boyfriend behind your back. That girl who you REALLY want to believe is a better person than she actually is, but at the end of the day, she's just white trailer trash who can't seem to find a real relationship due to her shitty personality or huge ass, and instead spends her time spreading her legs for anyone brave enough to stick something in there ;)

Every high school had one. We all know who it was in our school.

I just didn't realize that these girls become sad, pathetic, 28 year old, uneducated whores living in trailers with multiple kids and STILL DOING THE SAME DAMN THING.

You would think at some point these poor girls would grow up. They would realize that being a backstabbing whore isn't a great life endeavor. And would accept that there comes a point where never being more than "the dirty (literally) little secret" isn't cute and fun and exciting, it's just nasty and gross. Being the kind of girl (and I use the word loosely when refering to almost 30 year olds) that guys are willing to sleep with as long as no one ever knows about is not cool. It does not make you a awesome. It makes you a whore that men are embarrased of even admitting they know. And allowing your poor children to watch this - you are ruining them for life.

I sincerely hope that you grow up. (After you get bitch slapped for being the whore you are.)

But until that point - please do the respectable people of the world a favor - and use condoms.

Thursday, August 11, 2011


I actually tried googling "Why do I attract crazy people?"

Yep, nothing helpful.

Annoying. Amusing. A little creepy. But definitely NOT helpful.

I'm seriously open to suggestions here.

WHY do crazy people flock to me like magnets?

We aren't talking a little weird, or quirky, or strange.

I'm talking like 2 seconds away from a psychiatric hospital kind of crazy.

And it's not just guys I date. It's bosses, acquaintances, random people who feel the need to become strangely obsessed with me and then subsequently go nuts.


My lifetime friends can confirm that this has been happening since I was about 14, so this is definitely a repeating pattern. And one I seriously need to break.

So I'm asking, sincerely, what is it about me that attracts this kind of crazy?

Aside from locking myself in a padded cell, I'm going to continue to have these problems.

So it needs to be fixed. Soon.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Iceskating :)

This is how KK and I spent a 105 degree day in Austin...

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Wee Bit Wednesday

{one} what was one thing that you valued when you were a kid?
Well, what I did value and what I should have valued were pretty different. But I did value my friendships. I made some amazing friends when I was pretty young, and I still am honored to call these girls my friends.

{two} what was your favorite (+ lease favorite) subject in school?

I LOVE Math. Probably the reason I am now an Accountant. I HATE English. There is nothing I hate more than writing essays on topics I could not possibly care less about, or deciphering what is a pronoun and an adjective and whatever else in a sentence. YUCK!

{three} do you remember your first love?

Of course. I wrote an entire blog about him write here.

{four} what one pet would you love to have?
Horses. I <3 horses. But I don't want to do the work they would require.

{five} would you rather live in the country or in the city?

I'm what you'd call a "Sophisticated Country Girl". I love the outdoors, big trucks, 4-Wheeling, and camping, but I'm also all about nice restaurants, good shopping, and fun nightclubs. So I guess I need both.
Good thing I live in Texas, where both are readily available!

{six} what do you love about blogging?
Expressing myself and exactly how I feel without having to censor myself. Mostly.

{seven} what is the first website you visit everyday?

{eight} will you or have you joined google+?

I keep hearing about Google+. I have a bunch of friends that joined. But I'm just not ready to create ANOTHER profile and go through all the adding of friends and all that nonsense. So I shall stick with Facebook until it dies a Myspace-type death.

{nine} what is your favorite scent of candle/air freshener?
I love Vanilla, Sugar Cookies, and Chocolate Chip Cookie. Yummy!

{ten} how would you describe your style?
As A.D.D. as I am. Sometimes it's classy and sophisticated, sometimes it's a little classic rock, sometimes all out country girl. It totally depends on my mood and what's clean :)



Monday, August 1, 2011

Monday Morning Music

I'm stealing this from my partner in crime, my X-Files and Dawson's Creek buddy, the greatest advice giver I've ever known, and my best friend until the end of time - Kym.

I mean, if she's doing it, it has to be a good idea, right? :)

So I love this song. For many, many reasons. Mostly because it just.makes.sense. It's so true for so many of us, if in different ways.

My two favorite lines are

"One is one too many. One more is never enough."


"It's always your favorite sins, that do you in."

I haven't been a huge fan of Kenny Chesney in recent years, but this is fabulous. Hope you love it as much as I do!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

Hey gorgeous girl,

Happy 15th Birthday! You have so much promise, hope, and excitement for an amazing future.

The next few years of your life are going to bring challenges you never imagined. You will tragically lose a close friend, be forced to move and start high school in a new town, and make painful decisions that will shape not only your high school years, but your entire life.

I know how lost you feel right now. I know how fiercely independent you are. I know all you want is to fit in and feel loved and accepted. I've seen you struggle with an eating disorder, a cutting problem, and a lot of heartbreak for your young age. Baby, all of these things are because you want so desperately to understand yourself and feel whole. You will get past them. But a lot of people are scared for you. They worry about your health and your happiness. Because you deserve both. Accept their help, and let them love you.

Don't be afraid to be smart. It's okay. Yes, you are a pretty blonde. But there is so much more to you than that. You are more intelligent than most of the guys you will come across, and the ones that are intimidated by that aren't worth your time. I promise.

And the 1000 sit-ups a day? Sweetheart, relax. 105 pounds isn't fat. It never will be. You will have plllenty of time after babies to worry about weight. So eat a freaking cheeseburger, I promise you won't die.

There will come a day when you meet a boy who makes you feel special because he is older, in the military, and drives a fast car. Baby, this boy will change your life. Not because you end up together, but because he will put you in a situation where you have to make a choice. And that choice will alter your life forever. I wish I could just tell you "DON'T DO IT!". But you will. And that will set into motion a path for the next 3 years. One that will cause you pain, frustration, and force you to deal with unimaginable consequences. But you will make it through this, even though there will be days when you don't think you can. And, spoiler alert, you will graduate at the TOP of your class at the end of it. And it will feel fabulous. But it won't come easy. None of the good things do.

Know that the friends you have right now will stay with you for the rest of your life. They are amazing, honest, and will have your back through everything. A couple of them will even end up with FBI files because of you, so please remember to thank them! Other people will come and go, but your "junior high crew" isn't going anywhere. You'll be at their weddings, hang out during holidays, and raise babies together.

Your family will make you insane. And you will fight and make up and then fight again. But you love them, and they love you, and that's what matters. You will discover that the key to relationship success with them is distance and a strict 72 hour rule. So hang in there. And it prrrobably wouldn't be a bad idea to drink a little less at your sisters wedding. Just sayin'.

Honey, you are more beautiful than you think, smarter than you give yourself credit for, and capable of things you can't even believe. You are the strongest person I've ever known. There will be moments over the next few years where things seem hopeless. They aren't. I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a long tunnel. But you have so much to look forward to. So much hope. So much potential. So much life to experience. So love the good, let go of the bad, and accept that while things may be hard, you will always be okay. Always.

You have a beautiful life to look forward to. Live it. Love it. You deserve happiness, so embrace it.



P.S. Don't text and drive. Especially on ice. Trust me. :)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Advice You Don't Want But Probably Need

These are some of the things that people probably tried to tell me, but I didn't want to hear.
And you will probably not want to hear them either.

But let's just assume that I'm a little older, and a little wiser, and a have a little more life experience than your typical high school or college girl who is dating the man of her dreams and planning her wedding and names her kids. So I'm REALLY trying to help.

So take it or leave it. But if you leave it, file it away, because I promise you in 10 years I'll be right.

*If he cheated once, he'll do it again.
Yes, he's sorry. Yes, he promised. But guess what? He WILL do it again. He'll just try harder to not get caught.

*If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.
He had a great girl (or at least he thought so at one point or they wouldn't be dating), and he cheated on her with you. So what happens when you piss him off or ask him to do the laundry or gain 5 pounds and seem less great? You think he'll continue to be faithful because he's committed to you? Yea....

*The way he treats his mom matters
Seriously. His mother is the woman that sets the bar for how he treats females. He will likely treat her the best of all the women in his life. So if he treats her badly, is rude or disrespectful, or downright mean, be careful. Chances are he will treat you worse than that.

*Don't sleep with a guy on the 1st date
I know he's cute. I know you've had a couple drinks. I know you think he may be the one. DON'T do it. Even the nice guys aren't going to turn you down if you are willing to give it up that easily. But they sure as hell won't respect you after that. So do yourself a favor and wait. It'll be just as good a few dates down the road, and you'll feel better about yourself. Oh, and are the chances of STDs really worth it after you've known someone for 2 hours? Don't do it. Just.Don't.

*If he won't claim you in public, you shouldn't waste your time
Secret relationships? Really? This isn't the CIA, and it's not cool. Even if he treats you well in private, if he won't claim you as his girlfriend and treat you well in front of his friends, then it's not a relationship, it's a convenience. You are being used. Period. So unless you are cool with just being a hookup and feeling like crap everytime he ignores you in public, move on.

*You will fall in love again, and you will forget him.
When you get your heart broken, it seems impossible to believe that you will ever move on or be happy again. The idea of not thinking about him every day doesn't seem real. But it WILL happen. It takes a while, but it will hurt less. And one day, you'll come across something that reminds you of him, and you'll be amazed that you've forgotten his middle name or his birthday or even what he looks like. You let go. And you forget. Even though you swear you won't.

*A few close friends are all you really need
In an age where everyone is obsessed with having 2,000 facebook friends, this can be really hard to believe. But it's true. Sure, it's nice to have a list of people to choose from when you want to hang out on a Friday night, but more important are those times when you really need someone to talk to, to pick you up at 3 AM, or to understand your extreme Twilight obsession and crazy family and love you anyway. Those people who seem so "popular" usually A. Don't have anyone they can really turn to when they need something and B. Are covering their insecurities by surrounding themselves with  people. The best friendships have depth, and quality. Find a few of those and you can get through anything. Even lonely Friday nights and broken hearts :)

*You know those few close friends you have? Listen to them.
If you have those close friends who really know you and love you, you should pay attention when they tell you things like A. You're being a bitch unnecessarily B. That guy you're dating really isn't good for you C. That random trip to Cabo you can't afford but really want to do - do it. The point is that they know you. They want what's best for you. They aren't telling you things just to piss you off. So pay attention. You don't always have to do what they say, but take their opinions into account.

*Don't put off doing the things you want to
People think there will always be time "later" to do the things they want to do. But when you let moments pass you by, you're giving up the opportunity to do fabulous things now. So just do it. Skydive. Take a cross country road trip. Buy a motorcycle. Ride a bull. Bartend on the beach.Whatever it is, just do it. Living fully means embracing opportunities and taking chances. And those are the moments you'll cherish. So don't put it off, especially because of a relationship. Never EVER give up something you really want because of a guy, you will regret it. And resent him for it. Neither are good.

*It doesn't get easier, but you'll figure it out
There will always be people who try to make you feel bad or bring you down. You won't always win. Heartbreak still hurts. Life won't always go the way you want. Sometimes people are mean. Sometimes life sucks. But the great part about growing up is you learn to deal with it. You figure out how to handle disappointment and devastation. You learn to handle it with grace and move on with dignity. And you learn how to stand up for yourself. So while life doesn't get easier, you'll get tougher. And you'll be fine.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

30 Days of Detail - Definition of Love

People seem to think the definition of love is highly complicated.

I would disagree. My definition of love is quite simple:

I simply don't believe in it.

I know, I know, I'm too young to be so bitter and cynical and without hope.

Nope, not it.

I suppose I should clarify - I don't believe in the oogly googly, true love, marriage, spend your life full of passion for one person kind of love.

I think the Greeks had it right. They split the idea of love into 3 distinct pieces. Somewhere along the way, we decided to mesh them all into one thing, and I think THAT is where we went wrong. Because all "love" is not created equal. At all.

The first type of love is Eros. It is based on physical passion, intense desire, and lust. This I believe in, I just don't believe it can last. We've all felt that feeling. You know, the "I just have to have that". The problem, I think, is that many, many, many people believe that somehow this kind of love is enough to see you through 50 years of marriage, 3 kids, losing jobs, life crisis, and whatever else comes your way. Sorry, but I don't think so. Attraction is good, but it ends. I wouldn't base my life on that if I were you.

The second type of love is Philia. This is friendship, or brotherly, love. It encompasses fondness, appreciation, and loyalty. All good things. All important things. But again, not enough to sustain a lifelong commitment. I mean, I'm fond of Panera's Mozzarella Panini. I really, really appreciate it. And I'm loyal to it - I never get anything else when I go there. But that doesn't mean that I can eat nothing but Mozzarella Paninis for the rest of my life. I enjoy variety.

The third type of love is Agape. It's supposedly the perfect love that includes selflessness and self-sacrifice. It's loving someone without requiring anything of them or expecting them to love you back. This is a fabulous idea. It would be great if someone loved me completely and selflessly and without expecting anything back from me. But really, how many people do you know that could, and would, do that? I don't know any. The closest I've seen anyone come in between parents and children, but even then it could be argued there is definitely given and take, and plenty of failure. As far as a romantic relationship goes, I don't think this would even be plausible. I couldn't do it. I don't know anyone else who could either. People are naturally selfish. So therefore, by extension this wouldn't work. People love people expecting them to eventually return their affection. Otherwise, they give up. Or get committed to a mental institution or prison. Just sayin' - none of those sound like they work out.

So basically, what I'm saying is that I believe 2 people can be sexually attracted to one another, either for one night or for a while. People can care about their friends, be loyal to them, and care about their interests. For a little while, people can even love someone without getting anything in return.

But none of these add up to something I'd be willing to commit my entire life to. None of these convince me that there is a person in this world that I can't live without. None of them make me believe there is someone out there who can complete me and be my soul mate and whatever else the movies spew at us these days.

If you care about someone, great. If you want someone around on a daily basis, okay. If you feel like you can commit to that one person for the rest of your life, good for you. But lots of people make that commitment everyday, and over half of them break it. And even the ones that don't actually get divorced often end up having affairs, living in the spare bedroom, or being miserable for the "kids sake". Again, that doesn't interest me.

For love to really be love, it can't end. And it does, always. So therefore, it's not love.

I'm not saying I wouldn't love to be proven wrong. It would be amazing if I could say that I was wrong and that love, in all its beauty and passion and commitment and strength, really does exist. But I'm not holding my breath. And I'm okay with that. Because I have enough of the other things to keep me content.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A Bit Of Randomness

So, just a quick update on things around here... We're doing highlights since it's 1 AM, but I promise more complete stories later.

Tidbit #1 - I almost died. Yep. Apparently the wheel AND tire can randomly come completely off your truck at 60 MPH and go rolling down the highway without you. Yea, I didn't know this either. Until it happened. Good times.

Tidbit #2 - Fourth of July at the beach was FABULOUS. Gorgeous weather, cool water, yummy food, cold beer. Exactly what we needed. Yay.

Tidbit #3 - I started a business. Ha. Yep. Finally decided to make it official. I even have a website, but I'm keeping it a secret until it's exactly the way I want it. Then I'll share with you!

Tidbit #4 - My precious KK has a heart murmur. Don't freak out. It could be nothing. We are seeing a pediatric cardiologist to determine if it's serious. But some good karma or prayers or whatever you do would be awesome. Because, I am freaking out a little.

Tidbit #5 - JC will be here August 1st. And his dad is an idiot. This is not new information.

Tidbit #6 - I'm playing on a softball team. Co-ed. Rec. Super fun. Love it. Fun group of people.

Tidbit #7 - I've been doing some serious re-evaluation lately. Just putting things into perspective. Perspective is good, right? Sure!

Right now, I'm sore, tired, a bit grouchy, and a little tipsy. So it's bedtime. But stay tuned for the details.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

30 Days of Detail - What You Ate Today

I'm not really much into the eating thing these days. There are these fabulous little red pills that take care of that for me.

However, I had a random craving for Dim Sum.

For those who don't know, Dim Sum is basically Chinese/Cantonese food in small portions, where you pick all the different things you want off a cart or menu. I really wanted dumplings. Good yummy chicken or pork dumplings in a spicy sauce.

So I did what anyone would do in this situation - I Yelped.

Well, Yelp lied.

They gave me the name of a place with great reviews, including customers raving about the amazing dumplings. And off I went - 20 minutes out of my way - to this little restuarant.

And it was TERRIBLE. I order Bao and Dumplings and a couple other random things, and it was all gross.
It was mushy and bland and greasy and most definitely everything it should not be. I was seriously disappointed.

And it won Austin's Best Dim Sum for 2010. WTF?!?

Maaaaaybe if it was 2 AM and I was really reallllly drunk, I would consider the word "alright". Certainly not "best" but, possibly "mediocre". Best? Hell no.

So I threw it all away and had a Coke Icee instead. (No rum, this time).

Then after softball a bunch of us went to Baby A's, a mexican place with famous Purple Drinks. So I had one of those, which I drank all of, and a chimichanga thing, which I ate about 3 bites of. It was good, I was just more interested in the drinks.

And then I had an orange milano cookie for dessert. Ok, that's a lie. I had 2.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

30 Days of Detail - Day 3 - Your Parents

Ha. Ha. Ha.

This could be dangerous.

I have a seriously insane love/hate relationship with my parents.

If you dig too deeply into it, it gets veerrrry complicated veerrrry quickly.

So we shall see how deep this gets.

My parents have been married for 30 years (if you don't count the year they split, but that would already be going below the surface...back up). They met at the bar at a Friday's restaurant, and got married exactly one year after their first date. They had me 3 years later, followed by my 2 little sisters, who are 2 1/2 and 5 years younger than me.

My mom is (was) a nurse. She still is, but didn't work when we were little and I don't think has worked at all in the last few years. She is also a Godperson. Like, ultimate Godperson. She is at church at least 4 times a week, directing services, hosting bible studies, and doing God knows (literally, haha) what else. She spends the majority of her time doing that. She is also an AMAZING cook and a doting grandma. She loves the mountains and camping and being around people.

My dad is an Electrical Engineer. He graduated from Colorado State University and has worked for the same company for something like 40 years. Last I checked, he is now Vice-President of something or other important, and is planning to retire in February. He likes football, baseball, poker, golf, his motorcycle, and cruises. He is also great at working on cars, and fixing most things. He's incredibly smart and motivated, and I've always respected his brilliant mind and analytical thinking.

Currently, we get along fairly well. But that is based on 2 main premises:

1) They don't know any of the details of my life. What I do, who I hang out with, if I'm dating. I talk to them roughly once every couple of weeks, but I keep it high level, and don't fill them in on the deep or complicated or hard things. It just doesn't work when I do.

2) I live 1500 miles away. Thank.God. This is probably the saving grace, honestly. Do I miss them? Of course. But any time we are in the same 100 mile radius for more than 72 hours, it ALWAYS ends badly. We argue. They nag. I get pissed and usually end up feeling like I'm 14 years old again. My dad starts in on one of his "I'm disappointed in your life choices" rants. My mom reminds me that I have managed to "destroy every dream she's ever had for me". (Yes, those are both direct quotes) They end up making me crazy. And it ends badly for everyone.

The issues that my parents have go far beyond what I am willing or able to put here for the world to see. But we had a pretty messed up relationship for a long time. The short version is basically that my dad had ridiculously high expectations that I would NEVER be able to meet, and my mom was seriously damaged from her own past and trying to keep me from making her mistakes. Couple that with anger issues, alcohol, and trying to persuade the world that we were the perfect family, and it was a recipe for disaster.

Granted, I had my own issues. I was too smart for my own good, fiercely independent, looking for love in all the wrong places, and unstable a good portion of the time.

When you mix all that together, you get a disaster. It was actually my parents that pushed to have me locked up. Not once, but twice. I was "too much to handle". No, I wasn't drinking or doing drugs or stealing cars, or anything else. I was dating someone they didn't like and staying out too late. So the only option was to send me away. (Again, this is a whole long story, but at its core, if they had not specifically requested the DA lock me up, I wouldn't have been).

Clearly, I haven't forgiven them for this. Honestly, we have never even talked about it. And more than likely never will.

I get that they tried. I do. And I know I was difficult. So I guess at some point you just have to let the bad go and appreciate the good pieces you do have.

So that's what I do.

That, and I hold tight to my 72 Hour Rule.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

30 Days of Detail - Day 2 - Your First Love

Well, it's not a secret that I don't believe in love.

No, I'm not bitter. I'm not heartbroken. I'm not cynical.

I'm just realistic.

So, on that happy note, instead I'm going to write about the first boy I thought I loved.

His name was Andrew Phillip Crane. I used to be able to tell you his exact age, birthday, and the number of days older than me he was - but that was a long time ago. He was roughly 3 1/2 years my senior, with brown hair, dark eyes, and glasses. He was ridiculously smart, motivated, and selfless. He was a 4.0 student, a bookworm, and drove an old beat up Pinto. He was very much NOT my type. (It's funny to me that I had a type at 14, but he was most definitely not it). He was passionate and funny and strong and pretty much just amazing.

He was a devout Christian - not in the "I read the Bible and show up at church" way, but in the seriously committed to Christ way. 

That's actually where we met... at church.

We were in the same youth group. We'd actually attended the same church for years, but he was part of the "churchy" group and I, well, wasn't, so our paths had never really crossed.

Until one of his best friends played with my heart and left me a) devasted and b) looking like a whore in front of the entire church. (This is a story for another day, trust me)

He was one of the few who didn't jump on the 'let's hate Bri' bandwagon, and was actually concerned for how I felt. We became friends, and over the course of the next few months, including a youth mission trip to Arizona, I was pretty convinced that I was in love.

Apparently, somewhere along the line, he felt the same.

We never dated. We never kissed. Not once.

Not because I didn't want to - because trust me, I did - but because he didn't believe in it. He was one of those "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" guys who believed in the ideas of courtship and dating leading to marriage and a lot of other things. At the time, I didn't understand it at all - I just wanted him to kiss me and love me and be my boyfriend. I was 15 and convinced I was going to marry this boy.

And we talked about it. Yes, although we never dated, we discussed marriage - a lot. His favorite words for it were "the autumn side of forever".

We spent hours on the phone every week, spent large amounts of time together, and even said "I love you". But he still wouldn't date me. He wouldn't date at all.

We would take early morning hikes up to Horsetooth and watch the sunrise together. We had our own special spot up there. We would sit and talk for hours about everything. He was the smartest person that I knew. He was a challenge, and I couldn't seem to find the key to making him mine.

So, I decided to make Andy jealous. I would bring other boys with me to church. I would have numerous boyfriends hanging around, clamoring for my attention, and making me feel special. The idea was to make him realize what he was missing, but it never seemed to work out that way. He would simply tell me he cared about my heart, and hoped that I did too. I never saw anger from him - only sadness for the flippant ways I was acting.

A year passed, and my parents decided to move an hour away... I thought that was it for Andy and I. But we still talked constantly, saw each other whenever possible, and discussed the ideas of forever. He wanted me to be patient, to wait, to grow up a little - but I wouldn't.

I dated other guys. I found one I thought I really liked. And I slept with him.

I told Andy about it the next day. (I put that boy through a lot, but the one thing I never did was lie to him - I guess I thought I at least owed him the truth) He was clearly hurt, but mostly concerned for me. He said he still loved me, and wanted me to be happy. Wow.

It was the relationship with that particular guy that set into motion all the really bad things that happened from there - running away with truckers, going to jail, and ending up locked up for the better part of 2 years.

During those 2 years, Andy wrote to me at LEAST 2 times a week. Letters full of love, compassion, understanding, and hope. Letters about God and love and philosophy and dreams and ideas and wishes. Letters that I was allowed to read, but not respond to.  So he wrote me without ever getting a letter in return.

I lived for those letters, and the few brief visits that we got when I was home on visits.

In fact, during one visit, he was leaving for Marine boot camp the next day. He drove all the way up to my house (an hour north) just to say goodbye, and stayed with me all night talking until he had to leave to make the 2 hour drive to Denver to make his flight.

When I was finally released from lockup, I was just shy of 18. He was 21 and in college. And still very much "in love" with me. But things had changed. I had changed. Jail will do that to you.

I will never ever forget the day I met him at a park because I had something I had to tell him.

"I'm pregnant"

He cried. The light in his eyes went out that day. I knew that I had probably just lost him forever. And of course I regretted that, but clearly not enough that I had chosen to wait for him.

We went to Prom together my senior year. I was 3 months pregnant. We had an amazing time, and watched the sunrise the next morning together. That was when he told me he had started dating someone - for the first time ever. Her name was Laura.

Over the next year we drifted apart. We still talked often, but I had a new baby and a new boyfriend, and he was finishing college and starting his career. And yes, he was still dating the same girl (who hated me, by the way).

When I got engaged, I couldn't bring myself to tell him. So instead, I sent a wedding invitation to his family. And he came.

He cornered me at my wedding, looked me in the eyes, and told me that all he ever cared about was my heart, and that he wanted me to be happy. I assured him that I was.

A month passed, and he called me to wish me a Happy Birthday. It was the first time we had spoken since my wedding. We talked for a few minutes, and then he once again asked me if I was sure about my decision and if I was truly happy. And again, I told that I was. He acted very strange as we hung up.

I found out a few days after that later that same afternoon (yes, on my birthday) he took his girlfriend up to Horsetooth Rock, to our spot, and proposed to her.

He refused to talk to me about the pending marriage. We still talked on the phone a couple times a week about anything and everything, but that one subject was completely off limits.

I thought that I would at least receive a wedding invitation, but I found out his fiance had demanded that I not be invited.

On the day before his wedding, he called me. He seemed so conflicted and worried. It was the first time that he talked about his upcoming marriage with me at all. He said he had started down this path and had no choice but to follow through. I told him that if it wasn't what he wanted, that he shouldn't get married. His only response to me was 'We both knew when we started down this path that it would end one of two ways - either you would walk with me to the autumn side of forever, or we would eventually go our own ways'. I told him it didn't have to be like that, that we would always be friends.

The next day, his wedding day, I decided I needed to just get away from everything and clear my head, so I spent the day in the mountains with my family. When I returned home that evening, I had an e-mail from Andy, written just minutes before he was supposed to get married. It was a goodbye. And a last 'I love you'. He told me that he had committed to what he was about to do, and would do it 100%. But that he would always have a place in his heart for me.

That was the last time I heard from him. That was 7 years ago.

I saw him once, at a store, with his wife. But she recognized me and dragged him away before I could really even say hello. Not that I'm entirely sure he would have spoken to me anyway.

Mutual friends of ours have told me he is an entirely different person now. That he works all the time. That he doesn't smile much. That he really won't even spend time with them at all.

That's not the person I knew at all. I knew a passionate, strong, amazing person. A man full of life. A man with more character than anyone else I've ever known. Ever. A man who made me feel like more than just my body mattered. That my heart mattered.

I've made a LOT of mistakes in my life... I've done a lot that I would love to take back.

But if I could only take back one of them, it would be hurting him the way that I did. I put that boy through absolute hell for 5 years. I gave him front row seats to watch me jump from one unfulfilling relationship to another, and then threw it in his face. I tried to show him what he was missing - when in reality I was the one who was lost and completely missing the point.

But it's not about me. My point isn't that I wish I could have saved us and lived happily ever after. I was never ever worthy of him. Ever. He was a better person than I could ever hope to be.

I just wish that I could take back the pain I caused him. The hundreds of time I broke his heart. The things I did to him that took away that spirit and passion and intensity that he had.

Because I "loved" him so much, and still destroyed him.

If a person can do that to the person they "love", then there is no way that love can really exist.

I just wish I hadn't used him to learn that lesson.

Not Diggin' The Sheep Thing...

I really miss those people I can count on in my life. You know, the ones you can call at 3 A.M. and they will be at your house in 15 minutes?

Don't get me wrong... I still have those people, they are just, you know, 1500 miles away.

Kinda a pain in the ass on days like today. Thank God for technology.

I've learned that most people are sheep. They will blindly follow wherever they are led, without the ability (or desire, apparently) to think for themselves and do what they really want. Instead, they let someone else decide what is good, bad, right, and wrong. They let other people make their choices, and they just mechanically follow.


My friends, however, are very unlike this. They are willful, independent, strong, confident, amazing people. They have vision. They have talent. They have heart. They are real and authentic.

That's not to say we never have issues. We disagree, and we get over it. They live their lives, I live mine. We don't always see eye to eye, but we always have each others' backs.

Those are the people I want and need in my life. Those are the fantastic people I am privileged to call my friends. Those are the people who matter.

And the rest? They.just.don't.

Most people will come and go.

And that's okay.

They enter your life for a reason or a season, and then they are gone.

My friends, however, aren't most people. :)

Friday, June 17, 2011

Who Wants To Pay Full Price?

Not me!

One thing I was told growing up is "Blonde hair and Big Boobs ensure you never pay full price for anything!" (Haha, healthy, I know.)

Well that has proven to be mostly true, there is another way to get good deals than acting like a dumb blonde.

It's called Buy With Me.

It's like Groupon, basically. It's customized to your city, and you get half off or better deals! Plus when you get other people to  buy with you, you get yours for FREE.

I've gotten free movie tickets, $30 massages, half off really nice restaurants, etc. etc. etc.

I mean, you're going to do all those things anyway, so you might as well pay less.

Just thought I'd share!


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

30 Days of Detail - Day 1 - Introduce Yourself

So, I've decided to jump on board with this 30 days of details thing. Ironically, it has nothing to do with the 30 days of change I talked about yesterday.

The disclaimer on this is that I can tell you now that, while there are 30 posts and I will do all of them, there is no way it will be complete in 30 days. I know myself, I know my schedule, and I know there is no.freaking.way. it's gonna happen. So cut me some slack, please :)

And, PS, I'm cheating with day one. Bes my because I already wrote this as My Back Story. So therefore, you get to jump to that link for this post. This should be the only time that happens though...



On A Whim...

So, what do y'all think about Boston? Or California? Or Colorado?

Me too.

But I'm open to suggestions, because there is a good chance that I'm randomly going to end up in one of these places in the near future. Maybe not permanently, but I am definitely feeling the need to get up and go.

I'm missing something. I just don't feel like my life is complete right now. So I'm on a mission to fix that. I do a lot of things on a whim. Some are fabulous - some end incredibly badly. Either way, it's my M.O. I'm pretty well known for my total randomness and shotgun decisions.

Before I just up and run and do something crazy, I'm giving myself 30 days to get some stuff together...

I'm basically on a mind and body rejuvenation thing. We are doing things differently for the next month.

It's a physical, mental, spiritual thing. I'm not exactly sure what is going to work, but my theory is if I work on all 3 of these facets, one of them is bound to give me the results I'm looking for.

I just know that right now I'm feeling lost and clueless, and that's just not working for me. So hopefully getting my shit together will alleviate some of that confusion and give me some direction.

No promises. But I'm hoping! I'll let you know how it goes.

The countdown is on.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Immaturity At It's Best


Can I just say that? Well, I already did, so I guess if you aren't okay with it then too.damn.bad.

I've never met her. I probably never will. She has lots of friends, seems to work hard, and is probably a very decent person.

But I don't care.


And that is a completely immature, irrational, and judgemental way of doing things. But that's exactly the way that I'm going about it.

Why do I hate her? Good question.

Because she is the ex's new girlfriend. Although "new" is probably not the right word, since they have been together for over a year.

And it's not like he left me for her. It's not like he broke my heart by leaving. It's not like he packed up and moved out overnight.

It was ME who did those things. Granted, it was for good reason. He was cruel and abusive. Life was a rollercoaster. And when I was with him, I was the worst possible version of myself. And despite his promises to change, he didn't . So, I left.

Then, something crazy happened. He DID change. Of course, I haven't spent tons of time with him since I ran off to Texas, but I have seen him and talked to him and been around him (within the 1st year after I left) and he was a very different person. The angry, controlling, mean person that I knew was pretty much gone. When I brought this up, he said it was because of me. That he had lost the most important thing in his life because of the person he was, so he wanted to be someone better, mostly in hopes of winning me back. Obviously, that didn't happen, despite his best efforts spanning well over a year.

So he moved on. To her.

And now they are having a baby together. And living in the house he and I bought together. And enjoying a normal, happy life.

And I despise her for that. And it's totally ridiculous.

I could have had him if I wanted to. Hell, I still could if I put a little effort into it. But I don't want to be with him. That's not the point.

The point is that once again the same thing has happened: I find a guy that is completely screwed up, I deal with all his shit for an extended period of time, help him get his life together, turn him into a decent human being, and then watch him live happily ever after with someone else.

It really sucks.

And currently the best way to deal with that is to hate her. Her - the girl I've never met, who is now carrying his child and living with him, enjoying the life that I could've had and chose to walk away from. Although, if I hadn't left, he probably wouldn't have changed, and would still be that seriously screwed up person. Who knows. (You're welcome, ex!)

I don't miss him. I don't want to go back. I want to keep moving forward. It would just be nice if someday I managed to get the guy who someone else has already fixed, and that I just get to enjoy. Because this fixing men thing is exhausting.

Great Deal Alert - Free Movie Tickets!

Hey y'all,

I normally don't post stuff like this on my blog - but I came across a super good deal today for movie tickets.

2 Movie tickets for $9 from

Since they normally run about $12 each these days, it's like getting one free, and that's a pretty badass deal. And makes a date night pretty cheap :) Just Saying!

If you are interested, just click the link... Happy Buying!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Light 'Em Up & Watch 'Em Burn

There are basically 4 types of people in this world...

  1. There are people who take shit. Lots of shit. All the time. They let people walk all over them. Whether it's to avoid confrontation or because of strong insecurities, these people take it over and over and over again. They become victims, and get stuck in a perpetual cycle of allowing people to take advantage of them or hurt them without repercussion.
  2. There are people who allow people to give them shit, but then find subtle or unobvious ways to get back at them. They are passive-aggressive, often being behind a retaliation, but making sure that no one knows it. These people may or may not have a high tolerance level for people's crap, but when that point is reached, there will be some kind of consequence. These are the kind of people who will slash your tires in the middle of night, or start rumors that can never be traced back to a source. The repercussions are annoying, inconvenient, and can cause problems, but you can never prove that the person is responsible.
  3. There are people who don't tolerate shit at all. At the slightest indication of someone disrespecting them, they will go off the deep end to prove their point. Often, this type of person is driven by anger, jealousy, and a smaller than average penis. Their retaliations are fast paced, thrown together, poorly planned  and executed, and often immature. But they can be effective in making people think twice before messing with the person, because people don't like dealing with a wild card. When you don't know what you're going to get, most people choose not to roll the dice, therefore, this person is able to maintain their ego and status with the threat of instant and intense retaliation.
  4. This type of person has a reasonable tolerance level for bullshit. They realize that some battles aren't worth fighting, so they choose revenge carefully. But, when pushed to that point, ALL bets are off. This is the type of person who will look you in the eyes, pour gasoline over your head, strike the match and stand there watching you burn. Everything they do is cool, calculated, and well planned. This person doesn't do things out of emotion, doesn't act irrationally, and makes sure every angle is covered before they make their move. Weeks, months, or years can pass between the time you cross this person and the time they burn you. But when they do, you will know. Everyone will know. And you will most certainly regret whatever you did to end up staring at this person's face while you are burning in front of them.
A word of advice - it's a really good idea to know what type of person you are dealing with before you start playing games with them. It's also a decent idea to realize the kind of person you are, and adjust accordingly.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

If The World Ends Tomorrow...

There seems to be a lot of buzz about this world ending tomorrow (or technically, now, today) thing.

First off, I'd like to make a couple of points about this:

*Despite the dramatics, no one is actually claiming the world will end tomorrow. They are claiming that the Rapture will happen tomorrow. That means that Jesus takes all his followers to Heaven, and everyone else will be left on earth for another 7 years before it is finally destroyed. So while we might be down a few family and friends, the world will still be here.

*I'm not a Bible beater by any means, but I do have a little bit of knowledge about this Christianity thing. And I'm pretty sure it specifically says in the Bible that no one knows when Christ will return. So, in my humble opinion, if you believe any of the Bible, you need to believe all of the Bible, and therefore, that means that if you believe the Bible that the Rapture will someday happen, you have to concede to really not having any idea when this is gonna happen. So basically, this whole thing is kinda ridiculous.

It has, however, given many people, myself included, the opportunity to reflect a little bit about what it would be like if this really was it. If tomorrow really was the end.

It made me think about all I've accomplished, all I want to, and all I should have. Not gonna lie, I'd be pretty pissed if I worked my ass off for my degree only to have it for a week before it didn't matter anymore. That would suck. :)

Mostly though, it made me think about who and what is important to me. Do they know how important they are to me? Do those people know how much I love them? Do my boys know that they are my whole world, and they make my life worth living? Do my friends know how much I respect and appreciate them? Does my family realize that, despite our many differences, I will always hold them dear to my heart?

The truth is... I don't know if people know this. But I want them to. I want to live a life that, if my world was to end on a moments notice, I would be okay with. I don't want regrets. I don't want what-ifs. I don't want people to wonder where I stand.

A lot of the time, I live in tomorrows. I assume there will always be time later to do things, tell people things, or make things right. But that's not always true. There won't always be a tomorrow. You can't bank on that.

So instead, I really want to live each day completely, and be able to live without regrets at the end of each day. I want the people who matter to know it, the things I do to be impactful, and the life I live to be exactly what I want.

So at the time my world really does end, I can face it head on without any regrets for how I spent my last days.

And since the world is NOT going to end tomorrow, I can start doing this today!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Fight Like A Girl

I rarely post videos or anything generic like that.

This one, however, is worth the listen.

I so relate to this.

You probably will too...


Wednesday, May 18, 2011


So, May 12th was pretty much one of the most MONUMENTAL days in my life.

It was GRADUATION day!

Y'all, this has been a long time coming, and it felt sooooooo good to walk across that stage and get that degree. I'm pretty proud right now.

I graduated Cumae Sum Laude (4.0 GPA) and with other honors.

The family was in attendance. (Although they almost missed it due to a freak Colorado blizzard that left them almost stranded in Denver - so I got to pick them up at 4 AM and graduate at 10. Always a good time)

So, it's on to the next stage of my life. You know, the one I've been completely indecisive about for the last 9 months or so? Yep, still no clue. Lovely. I'm kinda going with the let's just see what happens thing... because I have a knack for landing on my feet. I am starting to get nervous though, because, honestly, I don't know what the plan is.

For now though, I'm totally enjoying the fact that I'm a GRADUATE!!!

My baby and Me

AKPsi Business Fraternity Graduates

Check out our badass Graduation Caps!

Bring on whatever is next, because I'm ready!



People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Closed Doors, Open Windows

So, you know that phrase that goes "When God closes a door, he always opens a window"?

Yup, I'd like to call bullshit.

Because sometimes ALL the doors get slammed shut, directly in your face. And sometimes all the windows are locked tight too.

So then what?

I'd suggest grabbing a hammer and start knocking the hell out of some walls. But I've always been kind of an extremist.

Basically, the point I'm trying to make right now is that, on occasion, NOTHING goes the way you need it to at all. So at that moment, you have 2 options. You can sit there and suffocate in the little locked room, or you can start digging your way out.

Right now, I'm going with #2.

Life has thrown some crazy things at me the last month or so. And, per usual, I have absolutely NO idea what my next plan is. So for now, I'm going with the flow, trying to enjoy the ride, and digging. We'll see what's on the other side of these walls.

Monday, April 11, 2011

One Quick Second

I'm alive. And a terrible blogger. And I'm sorry,

Let's play the "sum up Bri's life in lots of small phrases" game.

AKPsi. Stomach flu. Blown tire. Austin. Homework. Pledging. Pools. Signatures. River Road. Drinks. Sleep- or lack thereof. Cleaning. Tests. Superwoman. Group projects. Kiddos. Football registration. Chocolate. Group projects. Softball. "No Soup for You". Library hours. Sausages. More Signatures. High school drama. Helping out friends. Gatorade and water. No . . Pools. Quick road trip. STRESS. More freakin' signatures. VITA. Kryptonite.

That's all I've got folks. It doesn't sound so bad broken down into 1 word phrases. But it's insane. I promise.

See ya on the flip side.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Spring Break

So this week has been Spring Break at our house. However, it has been  anything but a "break".

In all the wisdom that is Bri, I decided this would be a good week to move into a new house.

During Spring Break. When all of my friends have packed up and left town in search of sandy beaches and tequila shots. Also when children are out of school and therefore underfoot 24 hours a day, saying "I'm boooored" every 15 seconds.

Obviously, this was not well planned.

Too little help from friends + too much help from children = serious moving stress.

However, we have all survived. No one died. (It was touch and go there for a while with my 6 year old, cuz he was driving me INSANE)

I LOVE the new house. It's got tons of room, lots of acreage for the boys to play, and a great neighborhood. Basically, it's everything the other house wasn't. So I'm thrilled.

And tomorrow starts back to school and back to reality.

But the count down until May is on. LESS than 2 months til graduation. I could not possibly be more excited!

And the new house is perfect for throwing the most kick ass graduation party anyone has ever seen!


Friday, February 25, 2011

Everyone Has A Past

Life isn't easy...

Everyone struggles. Everyone hurts. Everyone has something in their past that could render them incapable of living a normal, healthy, functioning life.

The girl at the coffee shop this morning, the one with the cute shoes and gorgeous hair? She could have spent her teenage years struggling with an eating disoder.

The jerk who cut you off in traffic? He might have had an absent father or alcoholic mom.

The President of the United States did.

I don't see it stopping him. I don't see him blaming his failures on his messed up childhood.

The only difference between people who succeed and people who fail is that the people who succeed chose to overcome to crap in their past, while the ones that fail chose to let it define them.


Everyone has crap. Anyone can give you a sob story.

Some people choose to dwell in their crap. They live mediocre or lower lives and blame everyone else for their failures. Their past is their excuse for their failed present. Their mistakes are never theirs. They have someone to blame for everything that goes wrong. And for the most part - they are miserable.

Other people know that they have hurts and hangups from a messed up past. But they figure out how to deal with it and let it go. They vow to overcome their past and make a better future for themselves and the generations that will follow. These people are the ones that run our country, become the heads of companies, and, probably most importantly, raise well adjusted, healthy children.

I think all of us have the potential to be either of these kinds of people. And, sometimes, we are going to be both.

I want to be the kind of person that overcomes and succeeds. I want to let go of my past and look forward to a bright future. I had one hell of a childhood - but I want to find a way to let it go.

What about you? What kind of person are you going to be?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

My Birthday - A Month Late

I turned 27 exactly a month ago. Ssshhhhhh... don't tell. I seriously feel old.

I got a couple of surprises. The first being Ariel and Dustan driving all the way to New Braunfels to have dinner with me on my birthday.

For the record, I have friends that wouldn't have driven 10 minutes for my birthday.
However, this girl (and her hubby) drove over 6 hours round trip to have dinner and drinks.
THAT makes her amazing.

Birthday dinner. I love surprises.

After dinner drinks. Yummy cosmos (bought by strangers)

I got lots of great presents from my fabulous guy. (See my "What I Want" list and basically check everything off. That would be my birthday presents.)

Oh, and there was this other surprise he planned and executed:


He flew her in to celebrate for the weekend.

We had a FABULOUS time!

All in all, turning 27 wasn't so bad. At least I got to spend it with some of my favorite people in the world.

Livin' La Vida Loca...

Let me just take a moment to say:


Ok, deep breath. I'm starting to feel better.

I am the most stressed out I've EVER been. And that includes the times while I was going through a divorce AND randomly moving to Texas.

Life is crazy. Not that I'm complaining. It's crazy in a good way. But I've got so many balls in the air that I'm going nuts making sure they don't go flying everywhere or smack me in the face.

I am in my last semester of school. At least for this degree. Can I just say how freakin' excited I am?

I ordered my graduation invitations and cap & gown yesterday. I feel like jumping up and down like a little kid. I never thought I'd get here.

But I gotta say - 60 credit hours in 10 months is pretty badass. Keeping a 4.0 while pulling that off is seriously badass. Just sayin'...

Ok, I'm done bragging. Because seriously, the classes I'm taking this semester are I'm gonna be lucky to hang on to that 4.0 til the end. Cuz it's rough.

On top of this - I have to move on by March 15th.

This is an improvement though.

Because at first it was February 15th, then it was March 1st. If I had to move in 5 days, I would shoot myself. Spring Break is waaaay better for moving. Thank God.

 On top of all this, I have a seriously important test on March 4th. Like a life changing, career deciding, seriously important test. So I need to study. Actually, I should have been studying for the past 3-4 months. But I suppose a week will have to do.

Oh, and on top of that - I've got this little thing I'm doing...

I'm pledging to a coed business fraternity.

Yes. I'm serious. This 27 year old mother of 2 boys is pledging a fraternity. (Pauses for laughter)

Crazy, right? Probably. But it's something I really want to do. And I make a point to meet my goals. Soo...

Plus, I get to play softball with them. Bonus. :)

But yea, I'm a little busy.

But I'm coming up for breath every once in a while. And when I do, I promise to say hi!


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I've Figured Out Why I'm Crazy

I consider myself a fairly reasonable person.

And pretty smart. And logical.

For the most part, I think like a guy.

I analyze, look at the facts, and make decisions (usually) based on what makes the most logical sense.

Unless we are talking about relationships.

When it comes to relationships, apparently I am a total dummy.

So I've decided to step back and analyze the facts. And I've come to a completely logical conclusion -

Men make me CRAZY.

I go from my normal, logical, happy self to wanting to KILL someone in seconds flat around them.


It's like that huge magnet thing that completely disrupts the polarity of anything it gets near.

Men are my magnet. They make me NUTS.

I can be completely unemotional, totally analytical, and amazing intelligent, and then one of them shows up and it all flies out the window.


Great goal huh? Any ideas on a strategy that gets me there?

The truth is, though, I LIKE being levelheaded and calm and not all in emotional turmoil. It's waaaay easier.

So all these nutcases that come around me and make me crazy need to

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I Suck At Relationships

Why, hello -
I have returned to the blogging world. I'm not dead. Or hurt. Or locked up. (All possibilites, knowing me.)

I'm laaazzy. Yep, it's true.

I get home from school, finish the LOADS of work I have to do for the next day, run a load of laundry, make dinner, get the boy in bed, and then I CRASH in the comfiness that is my temperpedic mattress topped bed and do NOTHING that requires brain cells.

Don't get me wrong - I love blogging. It's fun. It's happy.

I think it's kinda like every other relationship I have though.

Apparently, I suck at relationships.

Everyone tells me I don't contact them enough, pay enough attention, respond enough (or at all). Etc. Etc. Etc.

It's not that I don't care. I do. I really really do. I just have so many demands on my time and it gets overwhelming.

So I'm going to work on that - both in real life and my virtual blogging world.

I'm going to be more consistent. I'm going to try to suck less at relationships.

We shall see.

So, stay tuned for the better late than never blogs that include my birthday, my surprise visitor, and the latest crazy adventure that I've set out on!

But for now - it's bed time!


Friday, January 21, 2011

Celebrating Mediocrity

So, when exactly did we become a nation that celebrates mediocrity while ignoring true achievement?

Why is it that many high schools no longer honor their top graduates with the title of "valedictorian" for fear of making others feel bad?

Why don't we keep score at soccer games anymore?

Why is everyone put on the team and given equal playing time, regardless of ability?

Why are those who barely do what is expected of them congratulated, while those who excel are ignored?

SOMEONE help me understand when and why this happened!

What happened to competition, excellence, working hard, and being recognized for ACTUAL achievements?

This is called life. There are winners and losers. People who work hard, have natural ability, and maybe a stroke of luck, will usually make it big and accomplish great things. Those who are lazy or incapable or don't care - won't.

So WHY are we teaching our children that everyone is inherently the same, that competition is bad, and that being the best isn't something to be proud of?

I think this new found socialistic idea of celebrating mediocrity and ignoring excellence is not only ridiculous and unfair, it is also harmful to our children. We are showing them that everyone wins, that hard work and talent isn't rewarded, and that as long as you just "try your best" that's ALWAYS going to get you everything you want.

Yet we all know this isn't true. This is America. Hard work, talent, entrepreneurship, and being the best at something do pay off. Raising our children in such a way that everyone is a winner and those barely doing what is expected are celebrated does nothing but undermine the very values our society is built upon.

Guess what? Getting cut from a team because they weren't good enough isn't going to kill them. It's going to make them tougher, practice harder, and want it even more. Or it's going to make them realize they want to focus their energy on something else.

And those students who truly do excel in school deserve to be recognized. Kids who are barely meeting minimum requirements should realize they are doing what is expected of them and work harder. Children who exceed those requirements and go above and beyond should see the rewards of that effort.

Do we really want to raise a generation of kids that see no point in giving their best effort and excelling in these, academically, physically, or otherwise, because there is no incentive to do so? Do you know what that would do to this country? We would have no new technology, great political leaders, or Olympic athletes, because there would be no incentive for people to work hard and achieve greatness.

Maybe it's time we stop worrying about everyone's feelings and focus a little more on reality.

People win. People lose. Competition is what makes people better and stronger.

I want my son to know what it feels like to lose. It will teach him humility, patience, and that you have to work really hard to achieve your dreams.

But I also want him to know the feeling of winning and being recognized when he truly does excel.

Taking that away from him is an injustice, not just to him, but to the principles our country is built on.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Random Thoughts of a 20 something...

Random thoughts of the 20-something Generation!

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and i nstinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new person, I'm terrified of mentioning something he or she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "What would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Generation "Just Don't Care"

I wrote this a couple years ago - but I think it still seriously holds true, so I thought I'd share my "wisdom" with the world. Excuse the language - I wrote it when I was less... mature. Or really pissed off. Or both. Enjoy!

So I’ve discovered something since moving to Texas… most of our generation just doesn’t give a damn. We as a whole are an apathetic and narcissistic generation, and that’s sad. The only thing most 18-30 somethings seem to give a shit about is what directly affects them… work, family, parties, etc.

When did America seriously start not giving a shit? About politics. The economy. Fiscal responsibility. Religion. Anything? Come ON guys. Do you really not understand the effects that current socio-economic issues have on not only us, but our children?

Look at the economy for example… 58% of college students graduate with over $15,000 in student loans and over $5000 in credit card debt. With current loan rates of 6.8% and at least 14% respectively, it will take the average college grad 10-15 YEARS to get out of that. As banks continue to go under, things are only going to get worse. Money is going to get tighter, credit is going to be harder to come by, inflation is going to increase, and interest rates are going to rise. And why is this do you think? Because people just don’t give a shit. We come from such a ‘I want what I want right now, and I don’t care if I can afford it’ attitude, that has driven our economy into the ground.

Greed, selfishness, and stupidity are to blame for an economic crisis that is going to make your future dreams of owning that little house with the white picket fence impossible to obtain. Bankruptcy rates are skyrocketing, the value of the U.S. dollar is declining, and we as a generation are still out buying new cars, toys, etc. without giving it a second thought. FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY people. You’re going to care when Wall Street crashes, stocks plummet, banks fold, and we find ourselves in another economic Depression. The government can bail us out of a lot, but they can’t fix stupid. So let’s be smart.

Secondly… RELIGION… I am SO sick of this 80 something percent of Americans call themselves Christians but don't actually act that way at ALL bullshit that basically means “yes, I believe that God exists and I really don’t want to go to hell, but I also don’t want to put any real effort into cultivating a true relationship with him or bothering to follow any of his rules except those that meet my immediate needs”. Either you believe in something or you don’t. Either you’re a Christian who lives your life accordingly and makes a genuine effort to live for Christ and do as he commands or you don’t. PERIOD. This wishy washy in the middle thing is dumb.

And people who are mean, judgemental, hypocritcal, cruel, heartless, selfish, and hurtful, are only HURTING things when they call themselves a Christian. So if you are going to act like that, do us all a favor, and DON'T TELL ANYONE.

Finally, POLITICS…there is NOTHING that frustrates me more than people who willfully choose not to vote. How completely ignorant and apathetic can you get?!? We are given the opportunity to help decide the future of our country, and over 60% of our generation didn’t feel the need to take a few minutes out of their life to give their opinion during the last election. Really? People use the excuse of “my vote doesn’t matter”. Whatever. Yes it does. If not in application, then in principle. This election is going to decide the future of our country on a LOT of major issues. Not only on a federal level, but on a state, county, and city level as well. Research. Learn. Talk to a variety of people. Get opinions. Ask questions. Get answers. READ. Pay attention. Figure out what the hell you believe and then decide who you think will best uphold those values. In the time it would take to watch a movie, you could become an informed and aware citizen regarding political issues, candidate values, and what is actually going on in America.

 This is our FUTURE, people. And our children’s futures. This is Healthcare, The Economy, Social Security, War, Abortion, Taxes, The Death Penalty, The Environment. Come on, you HAVE to care about one of those. Basically, if you don’t exercise your right to vote, then you have absolutely NO RIGHT to bitch about ANYTHING for the next 4 years. I don’t even care WHO you vote for, as long as you take the time to learn something about them and what they stand for. Don’t vote for someone just because they are a Republican or Democrat. That’s stupid. LEARN about them. Get informed. Or, at the very least, find someone who IS informed and let them give you a 30 second spiel about why they are voting the way they are. I have my personal political opinions, which I would be happy to share, but that’s not the point of this. This point of this is EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE. I don’t care who or what you vote for, just be able to defend it.

STAND UP for something. BELIEVE in something. Get PASSIONATE about something. Pick a side… either you believe in abortion or you don’t. Either sex before marriage is okay or it’s not. Homosexuality. Interracial relationships. Death Penalty. The list goes on. STOP worrying about pissing someone off or offending someone, get informed, and make some damn decisions. LEARN about things. Ask questions. Discover something new. Dare to expand your horizons. Get behind something and be a part of it. Whether or not someone agrees with you, they have to respect you for standing up for what you believe. No one respects apathy. Or ignorance. Ever.

Let’s STOP being known as an ignorant and apathetic generation and start being known as a generation who STANDS UP for what they believe.