Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Advice You Don't Want But Probably Need

These are some of the things that people probably tried to tell me, but I didn't want to hear.
And you will probably not want to hear them either.

But let's just assume that I'm a little older, and a little wiser, and a have a little more life experience than your typical high school or college girl who is dating the man of her dreams and planning her wedding and names her kids. So I'm REALLY trying to help.

So take it or leave it. But if you leave it, file it away, because I promise you in 10 years I'll be right.

*If he cheated once, he'll do it again.
Yes, he's sorry. Yes, he promised. But guess what? He WILL do it again. He'll just try harder to not get caught.

*If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.
He had a great girl (or at least he thought so at one point or they wouldn't be dating), and he cheated on her with you. So what happens when you piss him off or ask him to do the laundry or gain 5 pounds and seem less great? You think he'll continue to be faithful because he's committed to you? Yea....

*The way he treats his mom matters
Seriously. His mother is the woman that sets the bar for how he treats females. He will likely treat her the best of all the women in his life. So if he treats her badly, is rude or disrespectful, or downright mean, be careful. Chances are he will treat you worse than that.

*Don't sleep with a guy on the 1st date
I know he's cute. I know you've had a couple drinks. I know you think he may be the one. DON'T do it. Even the nice guys aren't going to turn you down if you are willing to give it up that easily. But they sure as hell won't respect you after that. So do yourself a favor and wait. It'll be just as good a few dates down the road, and you'll feel better about yourself. Oh, and are the chances of STDs really worth it after you've known someone for 2 hours? Don't do it. Just.Don't.

*If he won't claim you in public, you shouldn't waste your time
Secret relationships? Really? This isn't the CIA, and it's not cool. Even if he treats you well in private, if he won't claim you as his girlfriend and treat you well in front of his friends, then it's not a relationship, it's a convenience. You are being used. Period. So unless you are cool with just being a hookup and feeling like crap everytime he ignores you in public, move on.

*You will fall in love again, and you will forget him.
When you get your heart broken, it seems impossible to believe that you will ever move on or be happy again. The idea of not thinking about him every day doesn't seem real. But it WILL happen. It takes a while, but it will hurt less. And one day, you'll come across something that reminds you of him, and you'll be amazed that you've forgotten his middle name or his birthday or even what he looks like. You let go. And you forget. Even though you swear you won't.

*A few close friends are all you really need
In an age where everyone is obsessed with having 2,000 facebook friends, this can be really hard to believe. But it's true. Sure, it's nice to have a list of people to choose from when you want to hang out on a Friday night, but more important are those times when you really need someone to talk to, to pick you up at 3 AM, or to understand your extreme Twilight obsession and crazy family and love you anyway. Those people who seem so "popular" usually A. Don't have anyone they can really turn to when they need something and B. Are covering their insecurities by surrounding themselves with  people. The best friendships have depth, and quality. Find a few of those and you can get through anything. Even lonely Friday nights and broken hearts :)

*You know those few close friends you have? Listen to them.
If you have those close friends who really know you and love you, you should pay attention when they tell you things like A. You're being a bitch unnecessarily B. That guy you're dating really isn't good for you C. That random trip to Cabo you can't afford but really want to do - do it. The point is that they know you. They want what's best for you. They aren't telling you things just to piss you off. So pay attention. You don't always have to do what they say, but take their opinions into account.

*Don't put off doing the things you want to
People think there will always be time "later" to do the things they want to do. But when you let moments pass you by, you're giving up the opportunity to do fabulous things now. So just do it. Skydive. Take a cross country road trip. Buy a motorcycle. Ride a bull. Bartend on the beach.Whatever it is, just do it. Living fully means embracing opportunities and taking chances. And those are the moments you'll cherish. So don't put it off, especially because of a relationship. Never EVER give up something you really want because of a guy, you will regret it. And resent him for it. Neither are good.

*It doesn't get easier, but you'll figure it out
There will always be people who try to make you feel bad or bring you down. You won't always win. Heartbreak still hurts. Life won't always go the way you want. Sometimes people are mean. Sometimes life sucks. But the great part about growing up is you learn to deal with it. You figure out how to handle disappointment and devastation. You learn to handle it with grace and move on with dignity. And you learn how to stand up for yourself. So while life doesn't get easier, you'll get tougher. And you'll be fine.


  1. I love these two sentences the best, "So while life doesn't get easier, you'll get tougher. And you'll be fine."

  2. I love that you've finally taken my advice!!! You forgot, "don't cuss to loud and don't hit to hard" though...but I still love you anyway!