Wednesday, June 29, 2011

30 Days of Detail - Day 3 - Your Parents

Ha. Ha. Ha.

This could be dangerous.

I have a seriously insane love/hate relationship with my parents.

If you dig too deeply into it, it gets veerrrry complicated veerrrry quickly.

So we shall see how deep this gets.

My parents have been married for 30 years (if you don't count the year they split, but that would already be going below the surface...back up). They met at the bar at a Friday's restaurant, and got married exactly one year after their first date. They had me 3 years later, followed by my 2 little sisters, who are 2 1/2 and 5 years younger than me.

My mom is (was) a nurse. She still is, but didn't work when we were little and I don't think has worked at all in the last few years. She is also a Godperson. Like, ultimate Godperson. She is at church at least 4 times a week, directing services, hosting bible studies, and doing God knows (literally, haha) what else. She spends the majority of her time doing that. She is also an AMAZING cook and a doting grandma. She loves the mountains and camping and being around people.

My dad is an Electrical Engineer. He graduated from Colorado State University and has worked for the same company for something like 40 years. Last I checked, he is now Vice-President of something or other important, and is planning to retire in February. He likes football, baseball, poker, golf, his motorcycle, and cruises. He is also great at working on cars, and fixing most things. He's incredibly smart and motivated, and I've always respected his brilliant mind and analytical thinking.

Currently, we get along fairly well. But that is based on 2 main premises:

1) They don't know any of the details of my life. What I do, who I hang out with, if I'm dating. I talk to them roughly once every couple of weeks, but I keep it high level, and don't fill them in on the deep or complicated or hard things. It just doesn't work when I do.

2) I live 1500 miles away. Thank.God. This is probably the saving grace, honestly. Do I miss them? Of course. But any time we are in the same 100 mile radius for more than 72 hours, it ALWAYS ends badly. We argue. They nag. I get pissed and usually end up feeling like I'm 14 years old again. My dad starts in on one of his "I'm disappointed in your life choices" rants. My mom reminds me that I have managed to "destroy every dream she's ever had for me". (Yes, those are both direct quotes) They end up making me crazy. And it ends badly for everyone.

The issues that my parents have go far beyond what I am willing or able to put here for the world to see. But we had a pretty messed up relationship for a long time. The short version is basically that my dad had ridiculously high expectations that I would NEVER be able to meet, and my mom was seriously damaged from her own past and trying to keep me from making her mistakes. Couple that with anger issues, alcohol, and trying to persuade the world that we were the perfect family, and it was a recipe for disaster.

Granted, I had my own issues. I was too smart for my own good, fiercely independent, looking for love in all the wrong places, and unstable a good portion of the time.

When you mix all that together, you get a disaster. It was actually my parents that pushed to have me locked up. Not once, but twice. I was "too much to handle". No, I wasn't drinking or doing drugs or stealing cars, or anything else. I was dating someone they didn't like and staying out too late. So the only option was to send me away. (Again, this is a whole long story, but at its core, if they had not specifically requested the DA lock me up, I wouldn't have been).

Clearly, I haven't forgiven them for this. Honestly, we have never even talked about it. And more than likely never will.

I get that they tried. I do. And I know I was difficult. So I guess at some point you just have to let the bad go and appreciate the good pieces you do have.

So that's what I do.

That, and I hold tight to my 72 Hour Rule.


No comments:

Post a Comment