I am completely exhausted. 6 finals will do that to you. Making an "A" on all those finals will make you insane.
Trust me, I'm there.
I'm sooo there that I missed doing the last 20 questions of my Governmental Accounting Final today. Yep, seriously. Thank God my Prof is a badass and grabbed me before I left and let me finish it.
So here is what is currently going through my mind, created by exhaustion, relief, and a smidge of insanity:
*Why would a professor design a test with the intent for students to fail? Doesn't that say a lot about her teaching ability and interest in student success? Just because she hated our class due to the fact that we were constantly proving her wrong doesn't mean that our failure is going to help her.
*HOW is it possible that a peice of chocolate that weighs .4 oz can cause me to gain 2 pounds? It doesn't make sense, at all. Shouldn't the MAXIMUM amt of weight I'm able to gain be equal to the weight of the food?
*It's amazing how little sleep the body needs to (at least semi) function. I have enough caffeine in my body to power a small city for 24 hours. I adore the sugar free breve lattes and the Splenda based frappacuinos. HELLO low carb coffee fixes :) No lie, I think I'll need an intervention to get off this stuff.
*Total spent on USED books at the beginning of the semester: $974.20
Total received for those books at buyback: $213.97
Getting completely screwed by the monopoly bookstore: Priceless
*Colorado in T-Minus 6 days. Whoot whoot!
Ok, and that's all! I need literally 2 points on my final tomorrow to get an A. I think I can pull that off with very minimal effort.
I am going to post all the pretty pictures from this weekend though! Keep an eye out for it!
So by now everyone has seen the latest trend on Facebook that goes something like this:
"Please change your FB profile picture to your favorite cartoon character from your childhood. The goal? Not to see a human face on FB till Monday, Dec 6th. Join the fight against child abuse. Copy & paste to your status to invite your friends to do the same."
I started quite the arguement when I asked exactly HOW changing my profile picture will somehow "fight" child abuse.
Don't get me wrong. I think that abusing children is a terrible, horrible, awful thing. I think the people that do it should be stopped. And shot. I really do want to help those poor children to find loving homes, caring parents, and self-worth.
I just don't think changing a freaking profile picture will accomplish any of that.
But it did get me thinking...
If there are truly this many people changing their pictures who want to help prevent child abuse, then it makes sense to give them a way to really help. Let's put our money where our mouths are.
Because we all know, the only way that things really change are through hard work, dedication, perserverance, and time.
So I've compiled a list of a few very worthy child abuse prevention/safe house programs that actually DO exactly what everyone is hoping to accomplish with a cartoon.
Please feel free to donate to one (or all) of these awesome causes... and then use your cartoon-covered profile to let everyone know and pass it on!
St. Jude's Ranch
St. Jude’s Ranch for Children serves all abused, abandoned and neglected children and families, creating new chances, new choices and new hope in a safe, homelike environment.
*All these are good - but THIS one is my favorite. The things they do for abused kids is AWESOME. This is the charity I donate to. And I didn't even have to change my profile picture ;)*
401 Kids Child Abuse Prevention
We are working toward providing a place of safety where the child can be taken once they are removed from their home. This friendly and loving environment will be where the child will live while they are being evaluated and treated for the abuse. A place where they can catch their breath till a suitable loving home can be found for them to continue the healing process.
Prevent Child Abuse America
Our national campaign and local programs, prevention initiatives and events help spread the word in your community, creating awareness that prevention is possible. We are a family of friends, professionals, volunteers, donors and parents who are preventing child abuse and neglect before it ever starts.
There are lots of other great organizations as well. Do some research. Find one you like. Then donate your time. Or your money. Or both.
Prove that you really feel as strongly about child abuse prevention as you say you do.
So, Christmas is coming. The countdown is on. And I am SERIOUSLY behind. I have shopping to do, plans to make, and Christmas cards to get sent out. All in the next 25 days. On top, of course, of finals and projects and being a mom. 911.
Enter, Shutterfly. They are holding an AWESOME promotion that will take care of one of these problems for me. They are giving away 50 Free Holiday Greeting Cards to anyone who writes a post about it! YAY!
They have so many awesome choices, and it seriously relieves me of the stress of going to the store, finding the right cards, getting them ordered, picking them up, etc etc etc. I can do it all from the comfort of my home, in my PJs. Anything I can do in my PJs makes me SUPER happy!
So this is one LESS thing that I have to worry about, which I think is pretty dang neat. You really should check it out!
I'm also getting my concealed weapon license. No Shock there.
I believe that once I do that, I should have the right to carry that weapon on campus to protect myself in the event that some crazy person decides to pull a Virginia Tech.
Currently, this is quite the debate on campus.
Basically, the campus police and the hippies are on the anti-carry side. Their arguement is that kids aren't responsible enough to carry guns, and that there would be more gun related incidents, and that it would be more dangerous on campus, as well make it harder for the police to find and take care of the shooters if a dangerous gunman does show up on campus. The hippies also threw in the "we should be focusing on peace, not violence" and "knowledge trumps violence".
Last time I checked, a book will not stop a bullet. Quoting Shakespeare will not keep a gunman from shooting you.
So, here is my take on this whole situation...
All Utah Colleges, as well as Colorado State University, have been concealed carry campuses since 2003. And guess what? Statistics don't lie...
*There have been ZERO incidents involving a gun, concealed or otherwise, at any of these campuses.
*Crime rates of all kinds have dropped significantly
*Students report feeling safer and more protected
No one is running around showing off their guns. No one even knows who is carrying (Thus the concealed carry). And as far as kids running around with guns - Nope. You have to be 21 to even apply for a CCL (Concealed Carry License), and then you have to go through a rigourous training course and a complete background check. Not just anyone can get a CCL. And it comes with rules - like no carrying a weapon while drinking or in an establishment that the majority of their business comes from alcohol sales (ie bars, pool halls, etc.). Finally, guns would NOT be allowed to be kept in residence halls. Period.
There are 3 cops on duty at all times. However, if there is a shooter on campus, 2 cops have to be there to even go in. This can take a lot of time, up to 15 minutes. An AK-47, depending on the modifications, can shoot up to 30 rounds per second. So, simple math says that 15 minutes waiting on police response times 30 rounds per second = 27,000 potential bullets shot from 1 weapon before the police show up. Call me crazy, but I'd rather not be sitting around waiting for the police and hoping that one of those many bullets doesn't hit me. I'm not trying to be a hero, but I think I deserve the chance to protect myself.
Honestly, if you look at the police response to the last 3 school shootings, it has been less than impressive. Ask yourself, how many victims is too many? And how many less would there have been if someone besides just the shooter had a gun? It's easy to shoot at a bunch of unarmed kids hiding behind desks and chairs. Knowing that someone else could shoot back is an entirely different ballgame.
All I'm saying is that I deserve the right to defend myself, after proving that I am competent enough to have a CCL. Who can't agree with that?
So this is my official Thanksgiving post. And it's only 4 days late.
And really, I have no great excuse. I haven't been doing anything that important.
I've been cooking. And eating (So much for low-carb the last few days...Oops). And shopping. And relaxing. And having nice happy family time.
And I've been loving it!
Next week is my last week of classes, which include tons of papers and projects and tests, followed by 2 weeks of "make me want to KILL myself" finals. Ugh.
And I could have spent the last 5 days trying to get ahead and writing papers and working on projects. But I didn't. And I'm glad. Because now I can head into the next 3 weeks feeling relaxed and rested.
Despite how incredibly much I miss Colorado, and my friends, and my family, and my life there, I still have a lot to be thankful for.
I'm thankfulthat I'm able to complete school. I'm thankful that my babies are happy and healthy. I'm thankful that I got the chance to spend Thanksgiving with new friends. I'm thankful that I found some badass Black Friday deals that are going to make my boys super happy come Christmas morning. I'm thankful for beautiful Texas fall weather that allows for outdoor football playing in November. I'm thankful that both of my sisters have found and married the man that they want to spend their life with. I'm thankful that I'm going home for Christmas in 3 weeks. I'm thankful for the crazy, beautiful, wild ride that is my life.
And I'm thankful that people can change. Really really change.
*I actually wrote this originally about 3 years ago. But it still applies. So Enjoy*
I'm constantly being told that I don't know what I want when it comes to a man... That's not necessarily true. So I promised that when I was fairly sure I knew exactly what it was that I was looking for, I'd post a blog and let the world know... So here it is, be enlightened...
First off... I'm not gonna lie... Physical characteristics are important. I HAVE to be attracted. Not like "oh my god I'm gonna jump on him now" kind of attracted (this is usually reserved for those of a Trent Tomlinson status) but a "damn, he's hot... I could do that" kind of attracted. Now, what does Bri like? Tall, Dark, Handsome, Muscular. Able to hold his own. And the eyes... I LOVE eyes I can get lost in. I'm all about a smile. I like the kinda grundgy prep look if that makes sense. Think Calvin Klein models doing the cowboy shoots with a little 5 o'clock shadow and sleeveless cut shirt... That's HOT. And yes, I realize that the average man in NOT a Calvin Klein model and I get that. I'm not looking for supermodel, I'm just saying I like the general look.
Next, personality. I want a man who is just that... a MAN. No little boy drama and teenage bullshit. I'm 26 and have 2 kids... I don't need another one. I like my men confidant, occasionally even bordering on cocky. I like someone who comes across with the don't fuck with me attitude. Someone who ISN'T gonna let me get away with everything. I want someone independant, able to take care of himself, and who isn't clingy. I want a man who is solid in what he thinks and doesn't change his opinion just because I don't agree with it. Oh, and to put up with me, you better have some serious resilence and tough skin, cuz I can be a bitch. Basically, I want someone who can "man up" and make me feel safe and secure when I need that. Oh, and don't fall in love with me in 5 seconds. Seriously. Give me a little bit of a challenge. At least make it interesting. I know I'm that good... make me prove it a little bit!
I also DON'T want someone who is gonna freak out on me all the time. The overpossessive, overjealous, overly hot tempered thing is NOT sexy. I won't put up with that for me or my babies. I want a man who is good with kids and willing to play an authoritive role in their lives. NOT looking for a baby daddy, already have one thanks. I just think that if a man is gonna be a major part of my life, that will obviously include my children, so he should be able to a) get along with them b) treat them well and c) act like an adult around them and help to lead them in the right direction. Oh, and PS, I don't want any more kids. This point may possibly be debatable in the future depending on the situation, but I really wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
What else??? I don't do well with emotional men. I'm simply not interested in that. I get that everyone has feelings, but I don't want to have to deal with my man's on a daily basis. Again, MAN UP. I don't do men crying either. Is that fair? Probably not. But thats how it is and if you can't deal with that, cool, that just means I'm not the woman for you and you should keep looking elsewhere! I like a man who does the occasional nice thing (making dinner, sending flowers, a card) but I don't want someone who is constantly at my beck and call and trying to impress me with shit. And just to clear things up now, I DON'T do poetry. Let me see if I can put this nicely... there are many many many great male poets throughout history, and they are all either gay or killed themselves. Don't want to deal with either of those scenarios, so lets just skip the poety stuff, cool?
What else? Oh, I'm smart. 4.0 student. I know a lot of shit about a lot of shit. A lot of men are totally intimidated by a smart woman. Get over it, or get out. I'm not gonna dumb it down for you. I want someone who can challenge me when it comes to a stimulating conversation. I like to debate. Intelligence is hot. Knowing politics, religion, world news, is hot. There is MORE to life than Xbox and Playboy magazines and football season. Realize that. (Although I agree that football season is important and Xbox can be fun occasionally. )
I like extreme things. I like adventure. I like having fun. I want someone who wants the same. Camping, rock climbing, white water rafting, skydiving, random trips to god knows where. Hell yea! I want a man who can plan this shit and actually surprise me with it, as well as us planning it together. I want a man who is braver than me, and I'm pretty damn brave. I want someone who can show me new things that I haven't experienced yet, and we can do them together. Someone with a little knowledge and experience, who wants to show me what they've had the chance to see and do and learn.
I want a man that is faithful, committed, and that I don't have to worry about cheating and playing games. If your penis has A.D.D. and you can't keep your attention on one woman, fine. I'm not gonna judge you, I just don't want to be with you. Please don't put me or you through that, cuz I can be a real bitch when I get my heart broken. I understand that the kind of man I want would probably attract a lot of female attention, but I want to know that he's mine, and I'm his, and that's that. I don't want lies, and I don't want to wonder who he's talking to on the side and what he's doing when he's not with me. I want a man I can trust. That's HUGE.
Oh, and if you've EVER hit, hurt, abused, or otherwise damaged a woman or child, stay the fuck away. I don't want to hear your "yea, but..." story. I'm just straight up not interested. Thanks.
Finally, life status... I want a man who has a job, a career, an established life, and goals that he is ACTUALLY making strides to reach. Dreams are great, but if you aren't doing shit to make them happen, then you're really not gonna impress me. I want someone who can completely take care of himself by himself. Pays his own bills, lives on his own (the parents basement DOES NOT count), has an education, has a career, is able to do better than a paycheck to paycheck life. I'm not looking for someone to take care of me or my boys, I have my college degree and am perfectly capable of doing that on my own. I just don't want to be responsible for the man I'm with too. Like I said, I don't need another child. I expect a man to occasionally be able to do nice thing monetarily, but more than that, I expect him to completely be able to take care of himself. And I get that shit happens and rough times occur, but that should be the exception, not the rule.
Well now... that's quite a list huh??? But I keep getting asked what it is that I want, so there you go. A complete description of what Bri wants. And its probably gonna insult and offend some people and to them I say this... GET OVER IT. This is my fantasy not yours. And if you didn't really want to know what I wanted, you shouldn't have asked.
And you know what amuses me? I'm probably gonna get at LEAST a dozen responses saying "Oh, I'm that man, blah blah blah" but what they REALLY mean is "Ok, since I know exactly what you're looking for I can pretend to be that man for a while". That's stupid. Why kid me? But more than that, why kid yourself? What's the point? Because eventually we'd figure out that you're really not that man, and then we just wasted a whole bunch of time that you could have been out looking for the woman who wants the man that you actually are. K? Thanks.
I got to spend each of their birthdays with them. KK in Texas and JC in Colorado. (Side note- Seriously, the quickest Colorado trip ever. To my CO friends, I'm SORRY I didn't have time to see you. I was literally there for mere hours. I will be back for Christmas, and I will see you then!)
I actually got to surprise JC by showing up for his birthday. It was awesome. I swore I would never miss another birthday, and so far so good.
Am I the only one who sees how completely absurd this is?
Giving in-state tuition (or welfare, or housing, or anything else for that matter) to illegal immigrants is ridiculous.
Why should they be entitled to in-state tuition at all? You have to be a LEGAL RESIDENT of the state to get that. And they aren't even a legal resident of our country. They shouldn't even be able to register for college here.
That seriously annoys me.
I can't get In-State tuition to a California college. Hell, I had to wait a year to get In-State Tuition to a Texas college. But people who aren't even supposed to be here can. Awesome.
It's like "Here you go - yes, technically you aren't even allowed to BE here, but we are going to give you free housing, food stamps, medical care, AND, as another added bonus for making it into our country illegally, cheap college tuition. Congratulations."
HELLO! No wonder we have millions of illegal immigrants. If another country offered ME all those perks just for jumping their borders, I just might take them up on it.
Further proof I am a natural blonde (In case there was any doubt)
So, as y’all already know… I’m smart. Super intelligent. Like 4.0, Honor Roll, and Mensa smart. Seriously.
But, I’m ALSO a blonde. Through and through. I figured I would share some evidence to this fact.
It will give you a good laugh or cause you to disown me. Maybe both :)
Until I was a senior in high school, I seriously thought that Pearl Harbor was off the Florida Coast. Like out in the Caribbean somewhere. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why the Japanese would bother travelling all the way to the other side of the United States, or going all the way around the world, to attack us. Seriously. And I passed History. With an A.
In other things geographically challenged, I ALSO believed that Niagara Falls was in France. Don’t ask me where I get this shit.
Also, through all of high school, I could NOT figure out what the hell the big deal was with the youth in Asia. Whenever people talked about what a hot debate topic it was, I was completely dumbfounded because I couldn’t understand what the hell they were doing that kids in America weren’t. At one point I paid enough attention to figure out they were killing each other, but I still didn’t understand a) why this was a strictly Asian phenomenon and b) why I should care so much. Yep. Totally not kidding. Wow.
So, there you have it. I’m totally telling on myself :) Don’t be too harsh. I know it’s bad.
I’m going to go make myself feel better my acing a super difficult Governmental Accounting Test now!
This means that everyone is saying thanks to all those brave military men and women who have served or are serving. It's kinda like the 4th of July, when everyone becomes totally patriotic and flies the American Flag and wears red, white, and blue. I think that's great.
I also think our gratitude as a nation to our military shouldn't be limited to 1 or 2 days a year.
I get the military. I was a military wife. My sister is Navy, and her husband is currently serving as a medic attached to a Marine unit in Afghanistan.
These guys work their asses off in sometimes awful locations, with terrible hours, little pay, and even less respect. I can't even tell you how many times our plans as a family were placed on hold or scratched all together because the military's needs came first. It just is the way it is. They will call at any time of day or night, and our soldiers are just required to go.
These men and women work weekends, holidays, and their children's birthdays. They don't put in 8 hours and then head home. Oftentimes, they work days at a time. Or they get to spend weeks and months away from home for training or deployment.
And it's not like they are well-paid for their sacrifice. Almost half of military families E5 and below live at or below the poverty line. The military is certainly NOT a career for those who hope to make a lot of money. Sure, military families get separation pay and hazardous duty pay when they are deployed, but ask yourself - How much money would be worth it to me to have my loved one overseas for months or years at a time, in dangerous situations, with little to no communication? Trust me, it's waaay more than the US is paying.
But they don't do it for the money. Or the benefits. Or the respect. Or the prestige.
They do it for us. For our country. For our freedoms.
And we should be able to appreciate that. Everyday.
So today, thank a veteran. Buy them lunch. Cover their bar tab. Get their coffee. Let them know how much they are appreciated by the country they serve.
And then, do it tomorrow too. And next week. And next month.
*Apparently my last blog made someone unhappy. Because I lost a follower. Oh well. For the record, that is EXACTLY what I was talking about. Besides, I'm pretty sure most of y'all still love me :) A girl can hope anyway.
*I am sick. Not like a little cold sick. Like 103 fever, can't get out of bed, entire body aching, sick. Thus, the blogging at 11 AM. My little man was also really sick. Today is the first day he seems to finally be feeling better. So that's good news. We've spend a lot of time in bed the last couple days watching movies and eating popsicles. It's been the best I could do. I do, however, need to get my booty out of bed and go to my Music class. So I have an hour and a half. To motivate and shower and move. We shall see.
*My ex husband has randomly appeared out of the blue after 5 years, and wants to "be a dad" again. Huh? He actually started contacting me in August, but it was totally sporadic and he was basically being the same spineless, blaming, asshole he usually is (Really, it's my fault that you have chosen not to have anything to do with your son in 5 years? Try again), so I didn't think much of it. But the last couple of weeks have been a little different. He seems to maybe be taking some responsibility for his actions. He has stopped demanding things he is in no way entitled to, and has started to make reasonable requests. Like pictures. And sending a card for his birthday. Of course I haven't mentioned any of this to KK, because I hardly plan to put my poor child through any more pain with this man who sporadically shows up for 15 minutes and then disappears for the next few years. But I guess we'll see what happens. It's a process.
*I'm going HOME to COLORADO in 3 days. I am SO excited. Granted, it's only for 2 days. But I get to spend it with JC, and there is nothing better than that. The fact that life is going to totally suck when I get back because I have so many tests and projects due that next week is beside the point.
*I don't believe in love. Gasp. This isn't new information to me, but it may be to you. Just thought since I'm sharing, I'd share. :) I just don't believe in the concept. It doesn't make me cynical, just realistic.
*School is still stressful, but I'm surviving. I still have a 4.0 GPA. Don't plan on changing that. In fact, I would probably have a total mental breakdown if I did. I know, neurotic OCD control freak. Deal with it!
I'm going to drag my ass into the shower, have some hot tea, and try to make it to school in the next hour.
I have spend a LOT of time recently considering what the next "step" in my life is going to be. Honestly, I have NO idea. I mean, I pretty much have the next 7 months or so figured out. I'm here until I graduate, and have a lease until June anyway, so really, that's pretty easy. I go to school, I do loads of schoolwork, and try to have a little fun now and then in between being a full time student and momma. Pretty simple. It's the "after" graduation that I'm worried about. Again, I have no clue what I am going to do with my life. Damn.
Do I want to move "home" to Colorado? After 3 years, is Colorado even home anymore? What about Houston? There are a lot of painful memories, but I also have some of the best friends I've ever made there. Or maybe somewhere else new? I like experiencing new things, new places, new people. And I've obviously proven that I have no problem just randomly up and moving on a moments notice. So why not do it again?Good questions. No answers.
The one thing I do know is that I have about 4 years before I need to settle. Until then, it's easy for the boys to move and acclimate, make new friends, and be in different places. Once junior high rolls around for JC, I need to be in the place that I'm willing to stay for the next decade or so. Mostly because I REFUSE to do to my children what my parents did to me. I will NOT rip them away from their friends and their life and their school and everything they know and love during the most difficult time of their life - their teenage years. They deserve the chance to belong, to be a part of sports or academics or whatever they choose, and to make lifelong friends that will get them through high school and beyond. I'll be damned if I take that away from them. So wherever I land at that point, that is where I will stay. Not for me. For them.
Speaking of them - The Boys.
JC is about to be 8. I will be flying to Denver the day before his birthday and surprising him. I'm so excited. I had to make a choice between flying out for his birthday or a dear friend's wedding. As much as I love her and want to be there, it is so important to me that I am with my son on his birthday. I know she would understand. She's that amazing. (Love you, Naomi!) Anyways, JC is a whiz at math and science (Where could he possibly get that? LOL) and seems to really be enjoying school. I'm so glad.
KK's birthday is next week - and he will be 6. He is going to be the death of me. I already know that he alone is my punishment for the way I was during my teenage years. He is SO.BAD. Sooooooo bad. Like dealing with the badness takes most of my time these days. He actually lost his birthday party this year kinda bad. (Side note - I KNOW that makes me sound like a horrible parent. But really, I gave him every chance in the world to keep it. He blatantly CHOSE not too. He will still get a cake and presents and made to feel incredibly special by me, he just doesn't get to invite friends to a party. I feel awful about it, but I have no choice but to follow through on this.) I just don't know what's going on with this little guy. He's struggling like you wouldn't believe, and I don't know why. The temper tantrums are coming hard and fast, and most of the time they aren't even logical. I just don't get it. I wonder what is going through his little 5 year old mind, and I want to help so badly, but I feel completely incapable. It sucks. I'm looking into a counselor for him, because I really don't want him to grow up as a juvenille delinquent. And that seems to be the track h's on. Which is scary considering he is 5. At least I was a teenager before I started with my crazy antics.
Halloween is around the corner. I love this holiday. Mostly because adults get to act like kids and girls can dress like total hookers without getting any crap about it. What can I say? It's fun! I think it's about time to pull out the pumpkin carving and Halloween cookie stuff. I'll even take some pictures. Well, I'll take cell phone pictures. My camera was stolen in Cancun, and I haven't gotten another one yet. (Christmas Wish List for those who love me )
Well, it's time to leave the blogging world and head to class. Yay. Always a great time :)
I'm getting better at blogging. I've missed it, so this is good.
...WHY I decided to give up a well paying, although slightly insane, job to be a broke ass college student?
...and what was I thinking when I decided to drop everything and move away from everyone I know to live by myself in a town where most people are barely old enough to drink, but spend most of their time doing just that?
...What is sooo great about a college degree anyway?
These have been my thoughts as I've been staying up until 2 or 3 A.M trying to get thing done for class.
School is KICKING. MY. ASS.
Not because it's hard. All the intellectual stuff comes easy. It's the projects. And the papers. And the required homeworks. And group projects. Can I just say that I would rather take a razorblade to my wrists than have anything to do with a group project? Because somehow I always end up being the one who does the whole damn thing just to make sure that my 4.0 stays in tack. There has to be other people out there that care about their grades. I just have never been able to be in a group with them.
I just keep telling myself "May. May. May. May. GRADUATION". I can totally hang in there until then.
Besides, it's always fun to sit and listen to the 18 year olds discuss the "real world". You know, drinking binges, frat parties, getting mommy and daddy to pay for whatever they want, barely passing classes... all the "finer" things in life. :) Was I that dumb when I was 18?!? Probably. It's amazing what almost a decade (and a couple of children) can do to your sense of what's important.
Anyways - I'm not complaining. Really. I'm blessed to have this opportunity to do what I'm doing. It's rough, but it's doable. Not to mention that walking into class at 10 AM in sweatpants beats a business suit and 7 AM meetings any day :)
I'll write more soon... off to MORE school stuff...
Well, I guess my New Years Resolution went down the drain, huh? Oops.
I promise not to abandon y'all like that again.
I've been pulled in a million different directions. There are TONS of stories. But for the sake of time, we'll just stick with the highlights!
I'm SINGLE. And living by myself. (Well, there is a rambuctious - and currently grounded - 5 year old and a hermit roommate technically living in the house too, but you know what I mean). After MONTHS of craziness that included me going to jail for assault (totally bullshit charges, and both the cops AND the judge agreed), that part of my life is closed. New chapter please. The worst part? I have to mow my own lawn. And I HATE it. But if that's as bad as it gets, I'll take it. Or I'll just bribe some boy to do it for me. :)
I'm still in school, and still have my 4.0. Booyah. No lies, school is kinda kicking my ass. Mostly because of 8 AM classes and lots of "projects". Gag. But May will be here soon enough, and graduating will feel OH. SO. GOOD.
JC is completing this school year with my parents in Cheyenne. And it's heartbreaking. And it's hard. And I HATE every minute of it. But sometimes it's just not all about me, and I have to focus on the bigger picture.
I STILL don't have my truck. Actually, I'm not sure I even mentioned this.... my engine blew back in July (affectionately referred to as HELL month). My new engine (costing more than this semester of college - seriously) was supposed to be here August 12th. Yep. It's September 27th. I agree. That's a PROBLEM. Workin' on it. What can I say? People are stupid.
Still hanging in there. Still trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. Still not sure.
Still missing my friends, among others. Still finding myself. Still working on the bucket list.
I'm going to CHURCH. *Gasp* I know. 3 Sundays in a row. For me, that's a record. I'm trying this new thing, and we'll see how it goes. I'm also considering singing and playing guitar again in church. Maaaybe. Still not over the complex.
OK, well I have a test and a project at school tomorrow. So for this moment, I have to sign off. But I swear it won't be 2 months before I'm back. I missed y'all!
... I would LOVE to tell ya'll in detail all the insanity that is my life right now, but my blog has some stalkers readers that make it impossible to share the current situation.
So for now, there is this...
I am okay. I will be just fine. I am tougher than anything anyone can put me through, and I will be better and stronger on the other side of this. Sure it sucks right now, but it's those of us who KEEP perserving and don't quit that are better in the end. Quitters have nothing to show but a long line of failures. And success is getting up one more time than you get knocked down.
I got knocked down, hard. But guess what? I'm getting back on my feet. I'm hanging in there. With some brand new views and outlooks!
And for the record, the last couple of days have shown me that there ARE good people in the world who will come through for you when you need it most. The kindness of complete strangers (now friends) amazes me
Finally, I'm looking SO forward to this weekend. It will be EXACTLY what I need. So excited.
Well, I'm off. This girl has a full schedule and lots going on.
You know the moment when you feel the most free? It's the moment when you finally just let go. Suddenly, all the stress and frustration and anger just melts away and you can simply accept things for what they are and move forward.
I did this today.
It feels sooooooooo good.
I've been putting so much time and energy and effort into something that was an uphill battle. I've been fighting a fight that I am probably never going to win. I have been wearing myself out and making myself physically sick trying to make things work out. But they just aren't.
Today, though, it hit me like a ton of bricks. THIS is my life. THIS is what I have to enjoy. I have today. I probably have tomorrow, but you never know.
I keep telling myself that if I just meet the next goal, then I will be happy. If I just get my degree, get a better job, marry an amazing man, etc. etc. etc. THEN I will be happy. But it's not about then, it's about NOW. Today.
I have a beautiful life. It's complicated, it's messy, and it's not always easy. But nothing worth having is. It is beautiful. I have a roof over my head, 2 boys who adore me, and I'm fulfilling my dream of going back to school. No, I don't have a job. But things are working themselves out for now. And when they don't, I'll figure it out. I always land on my feet.
It's not about making a mad dash to the end and missing everything along the way. This is a journey. My journey. I don't want to look back and only remember the blur. I want to remember the days, the moments, the memories that make it all worth it. I want to find my happiness right now. Not in a degree or a job or a man. But in the here and now.
Life isn't measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
I plan to spend way more time living that way. And the first step in doing that was to just let go. So today I did.
So you may just want to skip this post... because I'm telling you now it's not nice or happy or full of roses. Sorry. For those of you that can hang... enjoy.
I can not STAND men who act like children. I can not stand laziness, sloth, lack of ambition, childishness, and immaturity. A couple hints for men who want to attract women worth keeping -
1) Have a damn job. Living off mommy and daddy is NOT attractive. No matter how much money they throw at you. It's repulsive actually. And says a whole lot about your integrity and work ethics.
2) Eat your F-ing vegetables. Sorry, I'm not your mother and this is not a restaurant. If you want your mother's cooking, and sympathy, then go back to living with HER.
3) On that note - if a woman feels like she has to be your mother, there is no way in hell she is going to want to go to bed with you. Mother and sex goddess are 2 entirely different people. You can't have both. You can have someone to mother you, feel sorry for you, clean up after you, and take care of you, OR you can have a chick that can rock your world and be your equal. Choose wisely.
4) STOP overcompensating. It's not attractive. We already know.
5) What's worse than a man's faults? A man who DENIES those faults or makes excuses for them or gets pissed off when you point them out. Seriously, don't get mad at ME because YOU failed 3 semesters of college or lived with your parents through most of your twenties or didn't have a girlfriend until you were 21 or have to beg your college professors to give you the grade you want. I'm just saying... Facts are facts.
6) The words "You have no idea what I went through back when _____________ (fill in the blank)" say to women "I'm pathetic and make excuses for my actions cuz I'm not man enough to own them".
People who are lazy, indifferent, and really don't give a fuck piss me off. Kids who show up in class and do nothing but get through it are close to the top of my shit list right now. People who's parents put them through college and ALL they have to do is show up and do their best, yet they blow it off and waste the opportunity annoy me. Because the rest of us get to actually work our asses off to be there, and are grateful for the chance. So stop being ignorant and realize that there is more to life than 6 packs, tanning, and video games.
Oh, and people - LEARN TO BE INDEPENDENT. How long are you going to leech off our your family? At what point do you realize that self sufficiency really is worth the hard work and sacrifice? I am grateful everyday that my parents forced me to grow up and take care of myself and figure out my own shit. I don't have a crutch. I don't have a fallback plan. I don't have a get to run home when things get hard. Instead, I get to do it by myself. And it's been hard. Reallly hard sometimes. But it's worth it. Because the sense of accomplishment is amazing. I have something to be proud of. Anything I have, it's because I've worked for it. Anything that I do, it's me. Can you say that? NOPE. Independence is worth it. Try it. Or continue to suck your family dry. Whatever works for you I guess.
Ok, that's all. I'm off to a hot bath and studying...
So you know the "crazy, insane, work too many hours for not enough pay with a psycho Frenchman who thinks it is his personal obligation to tear every human being around him to shreds" job that I quit a few weeks ago?
Wellll.... Before I quit, they hired someone else and I spent 4 days training him. Showing him the ins and out of the approximately 5,393,204 things that I do for the company. I think all the work scared the hell out of him, but I really did try to paint it in the most positive light possible (Read - I didn't tell him about the crappy hours, crazy responsibilities, or psycho boss. I knew he would figure it out on his own soon enough.)
Today, however, I got a text from one of my former employees. Dude quit. He didn't even make it a MONTH. And he was making $10,000 more than me a year. He couldn't deal with the insanity. And there is lots of insanity!
Ha! For once I got to see Karma in action. And I have to admit, it was niiiice!
So, anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty much a live and let live kinda person. Sure, I have opinions on everything, and will happily give them if asked, but the truth is that for the most part I really don't care how other people choose to live their lives. It's WHATEVER. :)
However, the exception to that comes when people make a life mission out of telling other people how to live their lives, and then don't even follow their own damn advice.
Then, I get pissed.
Let me tell you a little story...
Let's jump back about 9 years... to when I was 17 years old...
There was this girl, we're going to call her KK, who thought she was God's gift to, well, everything. You know the type - head of the youth group, all about prayer in schools, head of the "True Love Waits" movement in the city, etc. etc. etc. Again, I would have no problem with ANY of this except that she was SHOVING it down everyone elses throat. Gag me. Literally.
As soon as she graduated, she and her "true love waits" boyfriend got married. I think that lasted all of a year before they cheated on each other and ended up divorced.
At this point, she jumped BACK into the church/God/shoving what she believes down other people's throats thing. She ended up becoming the leader of the youth group we all used to go to, and seemed to really be into the life style.
(Side note - most of this I know because of mutual friends - this next part I know because she requested me as a friend on Facebook about a year ago, and what can I say? I was curious. So I accepted.)
So, KK is super youth minister chick, fighter of all things evil, and a huge advocate of this "True Love Waits" thing. (Which is a no sex before marriage initiative, FYI)
She meets this guy, called DD, who is also a youth pastor, and they are all lovey dovey for like 6 months. Then all of the sudden, BAM, her status is single. No clue what happened, but trust me, I was wondering.
6 weeks or so after the random singleness, she posts a facebook thing "I'm gonna be Mrs. DD - he proposed!" Everyone is like "Huh? Thought you were single?" She explains he realized how much he loved her and they are getting married, in less than 2 months.
So they get married at the end of April. Run off to their Hawaii honeymoon and whatevs. Yay, happily ever after. End of story. Right? Nope.
2 days ago there is a new status "Getting ultrasound pics of baby DD". So I'm like, ok, cool, they wasted no time, whatevs.
Until she mentions that her due date is early October.
Am I the only one who can do math here? HELLO. People can quit with the "guess we knew what you were doing on your honeymoon" crap cuz guess what? Homegirl was already 3 months prego when they got married. This explains a LOT.
Does anyone see my point here? I could care less that someone got pregnant outside of marriage and decided to have a shotgun wedding and pass it off as a honeymoon baby. Seriously. To each her own. I did it for God sake, I'm not one to judge.
What really pisses me off is that she literally spends every day of her life preaching to kids about NOT having sex before marriage. About waiting. About God.
Can we say hypocrite?
If you are going to shove something down others people's throat, I really don't think it's too much to ask that you at least live that way. Otherwise, do you REALLY expect anyone to listen to you?
And the best part? Her new status... "I thank God for those who don't judge me for my shortcomings, because I'm willing to admit them and they make me a better Christian". Good. Fucking. Lord.
THIS is my problem with Christianity in a nutshell. I like your Christ, can't STAND your Christians.
I know, it's hard to believe considering that I have disappeared for a MONTH.
But this blog isn't RIP yet!
Soooo much has happened, and it has been completely insane.
The short recap -
*Cancun was AMAZING - it included parasailing, cliff jumping, snorkeling, lots of hot days and fun nights. Loved it! Unfortunately, my camera got stolen on our last day there, so pictures are pretty much nonexistent.
*I quit my job 2 days before I left for Cancun. You have NO idea how AMAZING that felt. No more crazy boss. No more 11 hour days. No more workplace drama. Love it. The only downside is I'm now basically without an income. But eh, details.
*I moved from Houston 10 days ago. Moving, ps, SUCKS. Packing and organizing and loading and driving. Multiple times over. I'm still working on the unpacking part, but at least the house looks okay. All the boxes are in the garage and I bring them in one at a time as time allows. I also somehow fit a garage sale into the mix before I left, so I got rid of a bunch of stuff as well.
*School started last Monday. I'm officially a full time student again. It's good. And bad. Of course I'm super stressed about the financial piece of it, but I'm doing this to better myself and my life. 1 week and 3 tests in, I'm still hanging in there!
*J is in Colorado with my mom, and occasionally visiting his dad, for 3 weeks. I miss him like CRAZY, but at least the timing is good because I only have 1 munchkin to deal with during this transitition. At some point, K is going to visit for a week also, and then I'll have them both back.
Sooo... those are the highlights of my world these days. I promise that I will get back into the swing of things and share real "blogworthy" events and details soon. I have lots! I'm just currently drowning in the world of school and moving and getting organized and dealing with the newest total life change. It's what I do!
Apparently, I am incapable of being content with stability. The same routine day in and day out just isn't enough for me. It was a sunny day in August when I packed up my belongings and my children and moved, literally overnight, to Texas from Colorado. It was a whirlwind change, and one of the best decisions I've ever made. I eventually landed in Houston where, after a lot of struggles, I now have a stable, decent paying job, a house of my own, a great daycare, an amazing church, good friends, and a fairly predictable life.
Sooo... where does that leave me?
Time for change. Again.
My last day at my job will be next Friday. I start school June 7th. I am moving 3 hours away.
I have no house.
And yet, I'm doing it anyway.
Yes, I am completely freaking out. Yes, the OCD part of me is telling me that this is the worst idea I have ever had and I need to stop right now and go back to the comfort of my stability. Yes, I'm scared that things aren't going to work out and I'm going to end up homeless and penniless. Yes, I'm concerned about the boys going through yet another major change in their young lives. Yes, yes, yes. I've considered it all. And worried about it all. Trust me.
But I'm doing it anyway.
I'm doing it because I believe that life should be an adventure. That it should be lived. That we should always be striving for the next goal, instead of complacently staying where we are.
Don't get me wrong, stability is a good thing. A comfortable, secure, healthy environment is incredibly important, especially for children. However, there is a difference between security and settling.
I don't want to settle. I don't want to feel regret over the things I haven't done. I want to push and grow and learn and experience and know that I've done the best that I could.
Currently, I'm not doing that. Right now, I'm settling. I have a job that, while it pays the bills and looks good on a resume, makes me miserable and unhappy and short and exhausted. I want to do more. I want to feel challenged. I want to pursue dreams. I want to do bigger things. Better things. Great things. I want to give my boys a life they love and a mother they can be proud of. I want them to see that settling for anything less than their best isn't what it's all about. I want them to know that it is worth the work, sacrifice, and hard choices to pursue their dreams. I want them to know that because of me.
So, this is the next step in accomplishing that. It's time to throw caution to the wind and just jump. I have a knack for landing on my feet. I'll be fine. I'm sure it will be rough for a while. I'm sure there will be moments when I will question why I chose to do this. But I also strongly believe that in the end, this will be exactly what I needed.
No one ever promised it would be easy, they only said it would be worth it.
I think my boys play the "who can give mommy a bigger heart attack" game. This week they both submitted pretty good entries...
JC went on a field trip on Tuesday. To some nature place. (Does it make me a terrible mother that I can't remember the exact name?) When I picked him up from daycare, I was greeted at the door with "Guess what momma! My bus was in an accident and hit a big truck!"
I spent the next 20 minutes trying to piece together what had actually happened based on the rambling of an excited 7 year old who was thrilled to have his mother's rapt attention. Basically, from what I gathered, is that the bus he was on was hit by an 18 wheeler on the way back to the school. They weren't going that fast, and there were no serious injuries (2 kids hit their heads, but were alright). I was incredibly worried though, because earlier in the day I had seen a story about a much more serious bus crash on the news.
Why wasn't I called? You would think in a situation like that, administrators would want to inform the parents themselves instead of letting the story be told by an overzealous 7 year old with a flair for the dramatic. This school district is famous for the recording phone calls to pass on information, so at the very least I would have expected that. But no. Radio silence. Awesome.
2 days later, I did get the recorded message, stating "If you have questions about Tuesday's field trip, please call the principal". Wow, way to be on top of that one.
K woke up on Wednesday not feeling very well, but without a fever or any tangible symptoms, so he headed to school. About 11 A.M. I got the call. You know, the one from the school nurse saying you have 30 minutes to pick up your child. I had a seriously undermanned accounting dept. that day, so I had no choice but to go get him, stop by the house and pick up blankets, pillows, popsicles, movies, and my laptop, and then head back to work with him in tow. He spent the afternoon on the floor by my desk watching movies and eating snacks while I worked. He didn't seem to mind though, since he had lots of company from employees coming in and out. By the time we were headed home, he had fallen asleep, and I thought he was starting to feel better.
I was wrong.
By 7 PM, whatever he had settled into his lungs and he was struggling to breathe. This scared him, so he started crying, which made his lungs tighten up more, which scared him more, which made him cry harder. This cycle continued for a while. After calming him down and giving him a bath to cool the fever, I decided it was time to head to the doctor.
The urgent care center took one look at us and sent us to the ER, where his breathing was continuing to get worse. They took us back immediately and gave him not 1, not 2, but 3 breathing treatments back to back trying to clear his airways. The chest xrays showed that his right lung was a mess, and they started talking admission into the hospital.
Long story short - multiple breathing treatments, a move to the other ER, steroid treatments, more breathing treatments, and lots of tylenol later, they decided we could go home, with instructions to watch him carefully the next couple of days and make sure he has an albuterol inhaler close by. So we made the trek home, at 1 A.M. Everyone was exhausted, but grateful K was okay.
This is the "missed connections" part of Craiglist. It provides hours of amusement reading about people who are trying to hook up with random other people they saw throughout the city. In a place with over 4 million people, I am curious to know what percentage of them come to fruition. I mean, what are the chances of a) having a random encounter, then b) both people going to Craigslist missed connections c) finding each other d) actually realizing they are talking about one another e) hooking up. Sounds like a fun science experiment to me.
Any favorite sites??? I'm always open to new suggestions...
I was driving home from work yesterday in the parking lot on the highway traffic that Houston is famous for, and was amusing myself by Facebooking on my cell phone. My windows were down, the music was up, and we were trudging along at about 3 miles per hour. Then we stopped. Completely stopped. For about 5 minutes. Maybe 4 minutes into this waiting period, I happened to glance over at the car next to me.
And guess what I saw?
No, really... Guess....
Bet you can't...
No kidding. I am NOT making this up. I seriously saw a skeleton in a car. On the highway. In Houston.
This is not an actual photo. But not because I didn't try. I really really did.
The very real looking skeleton was in the passenger seat of a old, beat up car. It was yellowish brown, partially degraded, and it looked incredibly real. The driver didn't look much better. Seriously.
I did my best to discretely get a picture. But the driver was being uncooperative. So then I became a little more bold and was trying to drive with one hand and snap pictures with the other, but the driver didn't like that and kept avoiding me. So, no pictures.
I came across a blog that did a "snapshot" of different parts of the last 10 years of her life and what it looked like. I thought the idea was cute, and I'm totally one to shamelessly copy, so here it is. (Although I usually give credit, I can't remember which blog I got the idea from - so if it was yours, feel free to speak up!)
10 years ago - I was 16 years old. I was a sophomore in high school. I was also in the middle of my cross country trek with truckers. Yep, seriously. At 16 I thought it would be a good idea to run away from home and hitchhike across the United States with random strangers. (Trust me, I know I'm lucky to be alive. I was there, remember?) The reason for this little escapade? Definance, revenge, anger, and love. It's a good story. I'll share it sometime.
9 years ago - I was 17, and locked up in a juvenille detention facility for delinquent teens. (The result of the running away stunt). My parents decided I was too much to handle and would be better off in a criminal facility. So I was charged with 2 crimes that I didn't commit (because you can't lock someone up simply for running away - go figure) and sent away for 2 years. Hands down the worst 2 years of my life. I saw, learned, and was involved in more than any 17 year old ever should be. Again, maybe someday I'll share.
8 years ago - I was 18 years old, free from the grasps of the law and my parents, a high school senior, and 2 months pregnant. It was a well kept secret ( My parents didn't even find out until I was almost 5 months along - and it would have been longer if they hadn't snooped). I walked the stage as Valedictorian with only a handful of people even aware that I was pregnant. I was terrified, alone, and had no idea what my plan was. The baby's dad and I weren't together, I had a full ride scholarship to Tulane University in New Orleans, and I hadn't a clue what I was going to do.
7 years ago - I was a new mom to a precious baby boy. I was in college, taking care of my son, and had just started dating a really great guy who made me feel like I was his whole world and everything was going to be ok. And he loved my son, so that was huge.
6 years ago - I was 20 years old. A brand new bride. And pregnant again. My husband was deployed and I was learning the ropes of being a military wife while dealing with the nausea of morning sickness. With a 1 year old, and still in school full time, it was pretty miserable. But there was a lot of hope for what the future held for us...
5 years ago - I had a 2 year old and a newborn, and made 3 separate car trips with them out to St. Louis to see their daddy. (My husband was stationed there for predeployment - yes again - training). The fact that we had spent so little of our married life actually together was quickly starting to take a toll - and eventually broke us - literally and figuratively.
4 years ago - I was in the midst of an insane divorce. Thekind where cops are involved, houses get trashed, awful accusations get thrown in all directions, and lawyers love because there is tons of money involved. I was working at a bar at night and going to school during the day, while trying to raise 2 children alone. (Their father wanted nothing to do with them.) I was also involved with someone else (we got together immediately after my husband and I split up - talk about a rebound). It was ridiculously unhealthly all around. But I did work my ass off and graduate with Accounting, Finance, and Business Admin. degrees. Yay me.
3 years ago - I was 23, and still in the above mentioned relationship. Except that it had become insanely abusive, and I put up with it. I had become THAT girl. The one who let a man treat her like that. I loved him so much, I thought that if I would just do enough right, that he would see it and change. I had a stable accounting job, a good income, and 2 precious boys who were getting bigger by the moment. But I was so lost. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I was trapped.
2 years ago - I was making plans to escape the relationship I was in. I knew it was time to get out, but I wasn't sure how or when or where. All I knew was that I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. It was bad and was only going to get worse. I ended up packing up and moving to Texas literally overnight - only knowing 1 person in the entire state. It was random. And it was good. Disappearing from my old life was the best thing I've ever done for myself or my boys.
1 year ago - I was living in Houston, just started an amazing new job. I was head over heels insanely in love with a man I thought I was going to spend my life with. But I was also incredibly broken. My past had left my pretty scarred. And I defended myself the only way I knew how - by staying distant and closed and not letting him close enough to show him how much I really loved him. It was about this time that I finally started letting those walls come down - but it was too little, too late. And he ended up leaving and never looking back. I got left for the first time in my entire life.
Today- I'm 26. I'm still a little lost. Still not completely healthy. I still make some bad choices. But I'm ok. I'm stable. I'm grounded. I still don't know where this crazy road called life is going to take me, but I've learned to enjoy the ride, breathe in the fresh air, and hang on tight. I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old who are my entire life. I thank God for their resilency and love. I have everything I need, most of the things I want, and dreams of bigger things to come.
Check back in a year. I'm sure it will be a whole new chapter...