Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Life As I Know It...

I have spend a LOT of time recently considering what the next "step" in my life is going to be. Honestly, I have NO idea. I mean, I pretty much have the next 7 months or so figured out. I'm here until I graduate, and have a lease until June anyway, so really, that's pretty easy. I go to school, I do loads of schoolwork, and try to have a little fun now and then in between being a full time student and momma. Pretty simple. It's the "after" graduation that I'm worried about. Again, I have no clue what I am going to do with my life. Damn.

Do I want to move "home" to Colorado? After 3 years, is Colorado even home anymore? What about Houston? There are a lot of painful memories, but I also have some of the best friends I've ever made there. Or maybe somewhere else new? I like experiencing new things, new places, new people. And I've obviously proven that I have no problem just randomly up and moving on a moments notice. So why not do it again?Good questions. No answers.

The one thing I do know is that I have about 4 years before I need to settle. Until then, it's easy for the boys to move and acclimate, make new friends, and be in different places. Once junior high rolls around for JC, I need to be in the place that I'm willing to stay for the next decade or so. Mostly because I REFUSE to do to my children what my parents did to me. I will NOT rip them away from their friends and their life and their school and everything they know and love during the most difficult time of their life - their teenage years. They deserve the chance to belong, to be a part of sports or academics or whatever they choose, and to make lifelong friends that will get them through high school and beyond. I'll be damned if I take that away from them. So wherever I land at that point, that is where I will stay. Not for me. For them.
Speaking of them - The Boys.

JC is about to be 8. I will be flying to Denver the day before his birthday and surprising him. I'm so excited. I had to make a choice between flying out for his birthday or a dear friend's wedding. As much as I love her and want to be there, it is so important to me that I am with my son on his birthday. I know she would understand. She's that amazing. (Love you, Naomi!) Anyways, JC is a whiz at math and science (Where could he possibly get that? LOL) and seems to really be enjoying school. I'm so glad.

KK's birthday is next week - and he will be 6. He is going to be the death of me. I already know that he alone is my punishment for the way I was during my teenage years. He is SO.BAD. Sooooooo bad. Like dealing with the badness takes most of my time these days. He actually lost his birthday party this year kinda bad. (Side note - I KNOW that makes me sound like a horrible parent. But really, I gave him every chance in the world to keep it. He blatantly CHOSE not too. He will still get a cake and presents and made to feel incredibly special by me, he just doesn't get to invite friends to a party. I feel awful about it, but I have no choice but to follow through on this.) I just don't know what's going on with this little guy. He's struggling like you wouldn't believe, and I don't know why. The temper tantrums are coming hard and fast, and most of the time they aren't even logical. I just don't get it. I wonder what is going through his little 5 year old mind, and I want to help so badly, but I feel completely incapable. It sucks. I'm looking into a counselor for him, because I really don't want him to grow up as a juvenille delinquent. And that seems to be the track h's on. Which is scary considering he is 5. At least I was a teenager before I started with my crazy antics.

Halloween is around the corner. I love this holiday. Mostly because adults get to act like kids and girls can dress like total hookers without getting any crap about it. What can I say? It's fun! I think it's about time to pull out the pumpkin carving and Halloween cookie stuff. I'll even take some pictures. Well, I'll take cell phone pictures. My camera was stolen in Cancun, and I haven't gotten another one yet. (Christmas Wish List for those who love me )

Well, it's time to leave the blogging world and head to class. Yay. Always a great time :)

I'm getting better at blogging. I've missed it, so this is good.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Remind Me Again...

...WHY I decided to give up a well paying, although slightly insane, job to be a broke ass college student?

...and what was I thinking when I decided to drop everything and move away from everyone I know to live by myself in a town where most people are barely old enough to drink, but spend most of their time doing just that?

...What is sooo great about a college degree anyway?

These have been my thoughts as I've been staying up until 2 or 3 A.M trying to get thing done for class.
School is KICKING. MY. ASS.

Not because it's hard. All the intellectual stuff comes easy. It's the projects. And the papers. And the required homeworks. And group projects. Can I just say that I would rather take a razorblade to my wrists than have anything to do with a group project? Because somehow I always end up being the one who does the whole damn thing just to make sure that my 4.0 stays in tack. There has to be other people out there that care about their grades. I just have never been able to be in a group with them.

I just keep telling myself "May. May. May. May. GRADUATION". I can totally hang in there until then.

Besides, it's always fun to sit and listen to the 18 year olds discuss the "real world". You know, drinking binges, frat parties, getting mommy and daddy to pay for whatever they want, barely passing classes... all the "finer" things in life. :) Was I that dumb when I was 18?!? Probably. It's amazing what almost a decade (and a couple of children) can do to your sense of what's important.

Anyways - I'm not complaining. Really. I'm blessed to have this opportunity to do what I'm doing. It's rough, but it's doable. Not to mention that walking into class at 10 AM in sweatpants beats a business suit and 7 AM meetings any day :)

I'll write more soon... off to MORE school stuff...