Apparently, I am incapable of being content with stability. The same routine day in and day out just isn't enough for me. It was a sunny day in August when I packed up my belongings and my children and moved, literally overnight, to Texas from Colorado. It was a whirlwind change, and one of the best decisions I've ever made. I eventually landed in Houston where, after a lot of struggles, I now have a stable, decent paying job, a house of my own, a great daycare, an amazing church, good friends, and a fairly predictable life.
Sooo... where does that leave me?
Time for change. Again.
My last day at my job will be next Friday. I start school June 7th. I am moving 3 hours away.
I have no house.
And yet, I'm doing it anyway.
Yes, I am completely freaking out. Yes, the OCD part of me is telling me that this is the worst idea I have ever had and I need to stop right now and go back to the comfort of my stability. Yes, I'm scared that things aren't going to work out and I'm going to end up homeless and penniless. Yes, I'm concerned about the boys going through yet another major change in their young lives. Yes, yes, yes. I've considered it all. And worried about it all. Trust me.
But I'm doing it anyway.
I'm doing it because I believe that life should be an adventure. That it should be lived. That we should always be striving for the next goal, instead of complacently staying where we are.
Don't get me wrong, stability is a good thing. A comfortable, secure, healthy environment is incredibly important, especially for children. However, there is a difference between security and settling.
I don't want to settle. I don't want to feel regret over the things I haven't done. I want to push and grow and learn and experience and know that I've done the best that I could.
Currently, I'm not doing that. Right now, I'm settling. I have a job that, while it pays the bills and looks good on a resume, makes me miserable and unhappy and short and exhausted. I want to do more. I want to feel challenged. I want to pursue dreams. I want to do bigger things. Better things. Great things. I want to give my boys a life they love and a mother they can be proud of. I want them to see that settling for anything less than their best isn't what it's all about. I want them to know that it is worth the work, sacrifice, and hard choices to pursue their dreams. I want them to know that because of me.
So, this is the next step in accomplishing that. It's time to throw caution to the wind and just jump. I have a knack for landing on my feet. I'll be fine. I'm sure it will be rough for a while. I'm sure there will be moments when I will question why I chose to do this. But I also strongly believe that in the end, this will be exactly what I needed.
No one ever promised it would be easy, they only said it would be worth it.