My parents are going to be here today.
Yes, I know I just recently swore I was done with all the drama and craziness that is my family.
And I am.
But I don't think that means that cutting off all contact with my parents is the way to go about that. That seems really cruel. And cruelty so isn't the point here.
The point is to be happy and healthy and lead a successful life that isn't sabotaged by my need to please people who are in fact, impossible to please. To move past all the craziness and not allow myself to get sucked into the drama that inevitably prevails when they are present. The point, my friends, is to be okay.
Yes, I probably should not have let them invite themselves to my house for 5 days. I probably should have set boundaries and made some things very clear about our relationship. But I'm not there yet.
The truth is that I spent all of January and February without even a smidgen of contact with them. And things were calm. And nondramatic. And okay. But I really missed them. A lot. I still crave that love and attention and closeness, even if it is rare and comes at a high cost. I'm human. Of course I want that. We all do. And I know it's been hard on my boys as well. They miss their Grammie and Papa. I don't want to deny them that. Because grandparents are important. People that spoil and treat and are there just for fun are necessary in a child's life.
I think the key here is to find a way to interact with my family, and specifically my parents, without being sucked into their games. I can love them without being crazy with them. At least I think I can. I need to accept that our relationship simply is what it is, and not try to make it into something that it will never be. I have to enjoy the good and just let go of the bad and not let it affect me so deeply. If I can somehow accomplish that, I'll be fine.
So the game plan is fairly simple... I am going to continue to live my life the way I always do.
I'm not changing my whole life for the next 5 days to meet with their approval. I'm still going to dress the same, act the same, have a beer after work, do things as normal. They can choose to accept it, or they can choose to leave. After all, it is my house, my life, and my kids. I have to get over this desperately wanting approval that I am never going to get thing, and just live.
I talk big now, but we'll see what happens when they show up this afternoon...
I'll let you know!