Decorating My Soul: It's ON

Monday, November 23, 2009

It's ON

So the countdown is ON... my parents will be here in less than 24 hours. And I, to say the least, am STRESSED. I've been working like crazy trying to make sure that my house is, well, honestly, as close to perfect as possible. KK has been having some serious 5 year old meltdowns, almost on a daily basis, much like the ones he had when we first moved to Texas. I so had hoped we were past this, but I also understand that it's his way of dealing with change and protecting himself. And what is Bri's life if not constantly changing? On top of that, I have a boss who I'm absolutely SURE is bipolar, and at the moment we're on the really not fun side of that. Plus I'm dealing with respect issues from employees. Being the youngest in the company and one of 3 females surrounded by testosterone can make for a very difficult work environment, especially when I'm the boss. I feel like it's an uphill battle to gain these guys' respect sometimes. To top it off, some ghosts from my past have decided to reappear randomly, which always makes for a great time. So between fighting those off and fighting a cold, I am exhausted.

Now don't get me wrong... I don't hate my life by any means. And what I'm dealing with at the moment is a cakewalk compared to the struggles I was having a few months ago. As a general rule, life is good. It's just these last couple of days all of these things fell on my shoulders at once, and it's pretty tiring. But I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle. And I have handled far worse multiple times. (Not that I'm asking for the challenge again - REALLY Lord, this is plenty!)

I'm really excited for my parents to be here. It's been a long time since I've seen them. But I always feel like I have something to prove when they are around. Somehow, I go from being a strong, independent, stable 25 year old to feeling like I'm 15 and in high school again. Except this time I actually care about their approval! I just want to be able to show them that I've succeeded, that I'm doing ok, and that my life really is good. Last time they were here, that wasn't the case at all. I was, to say the least, in one of the darkest times of my life. And they got a front row seat to my personal hell and subsequent self destruction. So now I want to show them how different things really are. I'm not exactly sure how a spotless house and perfect meal do that, but in my mind, it's a start at least. I guess I just feel inadequate a lot of the time. Like I'm not good enough, not doing enough, not being enough. And having my parents come just increases those fears that I have. Those are issues I need to figure out - and are definately for another day.

The last 6 months have included a TON of change and transition for JC and KK and me. JC has recently taken to calling us the 3 musketeers, which I have to admit I love. Those 2 precious boys are what make it all worth it. They are my reason for getting up in the morning. I love that despite all the mistakes I've made, as a mother and as a person, they still look up to me and trust me to care for them. It's so humbling to know that I am who they depend on, and who they love and trust. There have been some super rough times, but there have been some great ones too. Enjoy the pics :)