Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Temper Tantrum Tuesday

It always seems to be on Tuesdays that these things come about. Maybe it’s because I named it “Temper Tantrum Tuesdays” and therefore it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe I should name them “Calm, Wonderful, Quick to fly by without any problems Tuesdays” and I’ll see better results. :)

However, this week I am not the one throwing temper tantrums. It’s everyone else that needs to be sent to time out. For a loooong time. Until they are ready to grow up, act maturely, stop bitching, and most of all leave me the hell out of it!

Who falls in this category? A sister, a child, a man (LOL, I seriously just laughed out loud on that - A man? Probably all men. But I’m referring to a specific one at this moment), a co-worker, a boss, and the jerk who I LET cut me off in traffic this morning and who didn’t give so much as a wave.

I’m not going to go into details on all of them, but I would like to touch on a few key points.
Namely, the sister. Let me preface this by saying this is the sister I don’t talk to. Ever. Normally I don’t share with the world why that is, but since this is MY blog and I’m completely honest in it, I think I will, if only to make the rest of this make sense…

We don’t talk because she slept with my guy. On Christmas Day. While I was asleep in the other room. Nice. And then she called me to bail him out of jail the next day. But that’s a whole different story.

The point here is that we aren’t exactly close. We see each other once a year at Christmas, and we get along well enough for that short time, but that is as deep as our relationship goes. That’s honestly as deep as I care for it to go with someone who has repeatedly acted in the ways she has.

So fast forward to 2 weeks ago… I get a random phone call from my sister. Which is odd. Because she never calls, unless of course she needs something, but that has gotten more rare since the answer is usually “no”. So I call her back and in the 2 minute discussion I find out that a) she is getting married March 7th (Yes, this March 7th- Less than a month from the time I get this news) and b) she demands that I be a bridesmaid because she doesn’t have a whole lot of other options since she acts the same ways in her other relationships as she does in ours. She didn’t say that last part, of course. She just said “You are a bridesmaid and we’re getting dresses from David’s Bridal”. That’s it.

So I decided to be the bigger person and refrain from all the comments floating through my head (none of which were nice – I’m working on that). Instead, I simply told her congratulations and I’d find a way to make it to the wedding. I then booked a flight, found someone to watch the boys, and made plans to take off work to be there for her wedding.

Fast forward a week. I get a text from my sister, saying that “we need to talk”. Ok. I assume it’s probably about dresses or shoes or god knows what wedding related. So I call her. The conversation goes like this-

SIS: ‘Hello?’
ME: ‘Hey, what’s up?’SIS: ‘I just wanted to talk to you and let you know that there are RULES for this wedding.’
ME: ‘Um, ok… like?’SIS: ‘Your ex is not allowed at MY wedding’.
ME: ‘HUH?!?’

*Note –at this point I am completely confused because for one we’ve been split up for over 2 years, and two I would never consider bringing a guy SHE slept with to her wedding. Might make for some awkward moments during the “you may now kiss the bride” speech, plus I’d prefer she not sleep with him again, so keeping them apart it definitely preferential.

SIS: ‘He is not allowed at the reception. Or the ceremony. Or in the car in the parking lot. Or anywhere near my wedding. I will not have my special day ruined because of him…’ And blah, blah, blah, and on and on and on…
ME: ‘Why would you even think I would bring him to your wedding? I’m not completely stupid, sister.’SIS: ‘Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah’ and on and on and on about how she’ll have restraining orders put out and all sorts of craziness.
ME: ‘K. Whatever. Got it.’SIS: Ok, honestly I can’t remember what she said specifically at this point because it was all running together about how she refused to let him anywhere near the wedding and she hated him and didn’t want her wedding ruined and on and on and on. I had had enough.
ME: ‘Yea, I probably wouldn’t want a guy I fucked at my wedding either’

*Note – Yes, I realize that wasn’t very nice. But really, enough is enough. It’s not like I had RSVPed him to come to the wedding with me, or even hinted in any way that I was going to invite him. I even acknowledged what she said and tried to just let it go at that. But she just. Kept. Pushing.


SIS: ‘That was highly uncalled for, and if you make another comment like that I’m going to have you removed from the wedding party’.
ME: ‘Sister, I didn’t even get asked to be in your wedding. I got told. ‘SIS: ‘So you don’t want to be in my wedding?’
ME: ‘Honestly, sister, I think it would be best if you ask someone that you talk to more than once a year. I’m more than willing to come to the wedding, and be there to help if you need something, and be a part of your day, but I’m just not sure it’s the best idea for anyone for me to be in it’

What happened next was some combination of her yelling and crying and hanging up on me. Followed by a ridiculous phone call from her fiancĂ© stating that since he was paying for the wedding, that everyone had to follow his rules, and I was uninvited to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and would only be allowed at the wedding if I apologized and how I’m the worst sister in the world for making my sister feel that way.

Notes –
A) These 2 have the most volatile relationship I’ve ever seen. They’ve both gone to jail for domestic violence on one another, there are been restraining orders put out, he has left her in a city 200 miles from home, and I can’t even count the number of times she would call me sobbing on one line while he called me screaming and calling her a psychotic lunatic on the other.

B) My sister isn’t exactly known for telling the truth, so I can only imagine the story she fed him to piss him off to that extent. I’m pretty sure she failed to mention the whole Christmas Day with my ex part. Just guessing.

C) They are really stuck on this rules thing. Married life should be interesting for them.

Anyway, my sister has proceeded to give everyone a very unpleasant version of those events to family and friends and pretty much anyone else who will listen. It’s ridiculous. So far, I’ve chosen to just let people think what they want instead of explaining myself because I really don’t think it’s any of their business and I don’t want to out my sister as a whore 2 weeks before her wedding. That seems a little tacky. But really, I’ve had just about enough.

Am I wrong? Should I have just sucked it up and been in her wedding? What would you do?

*Final Note – My family has no idea I have this blog, so I am free to write as I please. And no one who will be at her wedding knows either. So I’m not “outing” her on here, just for the record.

PS- That fact that I just felt the need to defend myself in that "Final Note" tells me that this is really getting to me. UGH.


  1. Wow! Sounds like a mess! Sorry, I dont think I can offer any suggestions about what to do, although with all the "rules" you were bound to accidentally do something wrong. And that could have been detrimental to the big day. I think you probably made the best choice. For all parties involved.

  2. OH MY GOD! I LOVE YOU!! No seriously - I read your comment on My blog - and came here to check yours out - and WOW. My mom & brother (and his girlfriend) are horrible. In fact my sister and I don't talk to THEM. But - they know I have a blog (at least my mom) - so maybe I should get a "secret" blog too - and write until my hearts content.

    OK - I'm gonna go read some more!


  3. Hello, I found your blog and I just had to comment!!! You are sooo right. I know people like your sister. It seems you have been patient. I had something like this happen to me with my sister in law. She was young then, so I forgave her. She ruined a good part of my wedding. Fast forward 4 years, and now she is the one getting married. She is already married and had 2 abortions, don't get me started!!!! Anyhow, you are a doll for putting up with that crapola. Stay strong. -- Delia

  4. This is a pretty messed up situation but obviously your sister didn't really want you to come to the wedding by 1)not really inviting you, 2) calling you up to start an argument, and 3) getting the fiance involved for no apparent reason. I don't think you should go and maybe she'll realize that she messed up a really important event in her life because you weren't there. Any way, good luck and hopefully she calms down a bit. And thanks for subscribing to TheBlogFrog! We love to have new bloggers who tell it how it is!~