Friday, June 17, 2016

I Hate You, I Love You

In case you're wondering where my life is at the moment. This pretty much sums it up. 

I tried, again. I thought maybe, just maaaaybe, he meant it when he said he realized he lost the best thing in his life. That maybe he was sincere when he said he'd fight for me, and step up, and be a man, and do whatever it took to keep me.
He didn't.
What he meant was he wanted to go back to the exact.same.shit. He wanted me to take another ride onthe crazy merry-go-round. Except this time he wants to live his own life in his own place in another state, and come home maybe 1 night a week to play house. But in the meantime, he wants me to do all the things I did before (pay for/take care of the entire household, do all the wifey things, etc) AND he wants me to sit at home like a puppy waiting from him to call me for 3 minutes at a time whenever he can pull himself away from whatever his current entertainment is.
So yea, I'm still an idiot. And I still give someone who will never deserve it WAY too much credit.
Sometimes, all you can do it forget about what you want, realize what the fuck you need, and run as fast as you can away from the thing that is destroying you.
I'll post more later, because right now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces from the latest destruction. Just because you know it's coming doesn't make it suck less.
Eventually you learn, or you die. Either one sounds infinitely better than the current situation.  

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