Ghosts From The Past

You'll never guess who has walked back into my life recently.

Really, take a stab. You'll never get it right.


Guess yet???







Ready???









My ex.



Which one? That's the funny part.


ALL of them.


The Rebound. The Ex-Husband. And The One.


Told you this was a good story.


I'm not really sure how it all happened, except that within the last few days, I have spoken repeatedly to the 3 men that, collectively, I haven't talked to more than twice in over 3 years.

At this point, they each deserve their own (and each very different) blog post. But let's suffice to say it's been eye-opening, and crazy, and intense, and good and bad.

And I'm not sure about anything yet, but there's a chance that the book hasn't completely closed with one of them.

Which one?

Guess you'll have to stay tuned...

I Knew It Was Coming...

About, oh, 6 months or so ago, I started getting a feeling...

I don't know exactly how to explain it - discomfort, longing, boredom... just that feeling that it was time for something different.

Now, this feeling isn't new to me at all. And it's the main reason that I've moved no less than 5 times in the last 4 years.

I just get to a point where it's time to move on. To try something new. To do something different. To find a new adventure.

So... I'm now writing from Houston, Texas. Where I recently moved, with my 2 boys, seriously naughty puppy, and more stuff than would fit in the biggest U-Haul you can rent.

I start my new job with one of the biggest and best firms in the industry in 2 weeks.

I'm in a place with no family, few friends, and a terrible sense of direction.

But I'm content. Maybe even happy.

Because this is my new adventure. And it's mine to experience. And I'm excited.

And maybe this will be the adventure that quenches the feeling I always seem to get. Maybe this time, I'll stick around and really commit to something.

At least for a little while...

I'm Starting To Agree With Everyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy...

I've had this conversation a million times. It almost always comes after the "What do you do?" (I'm an Accountant) and "Where are you from?" (Colorado). Further inquiry confirms that I am, indeed, a single mom and no, my ex-husband is not involved, in fact he's about as helpful as a pile of dirt. From there, it's ALWAYS "So do you have family close to help you?".

Nope. My closest family lives 1200 miles away.

Gasp.

The reactions range from shock to pity to that look of "what is wrong with you (or your family) that you would choose to live so far from any form of help?!"

Normally I wave it off with some reply about how I enjoy my independence and my boys and I are a great team that get along just fine.

Normally.

This last week, however, I've been questioning my own sanity. People are right - what AM I doing hundreds of miles from my mom, sisters, aunts, cousins, anyone related to me?

In the past few days, I have graduated with a Master's Degree, found (and signed a lease on) a house in Houston, where I will be moving in just a couple of days, packed my house, adopted a very non-housebroken puppy, dealt with my 7 year olds out of control tantrums (I so thought we were through this phase - nope), and somehow managed to keep a roof over my boys' heads, food in their stomachs, and good dreams in their heads as they drift off to sleep. Oh, and I'm doing all this with a 104 fever and seriously the worst case of strep ever.

I conceed. I'm crazy. And I want my mom!

It's times like this when I wonder what in the world I'm doing. Why did I just sign on for at least another 2 years here in Texas with my new job? Why don't I want to be back in Colorado, where I have help, and babysitters, and family? Why do I insist on consistently going at it alone? How bad could it possibly be to have someone to come pick up the boys and take care of them so I can lay in bed for a few hours trying to get better? How awful could it be to have someone bring me soup and my favorite Jell-O? Why don't I want grandparents close to take the kiddos on Friday night? What is wrong with me?!?

I'm still working on the answer to this, for sure. But I think it has something to do with me being able to live my life. To not feel stiffled and stuck and have to bend to someone else's expectations.

I do that a lot when I'm around my family. And it's not good - for me or them.

I guess Texas is my way to live my life the way I want to. And if that means having to help with homework and clean up puppy messes with a 104 degree fever every once in a while, then so be it.

This is the life I chose. And while it is a little crazy, it works for my boys and me.

And isn't that what really matters, anyway?

Free

This kinda says it all... Enjoy.

I lied...

I think I've said about a thousand times that I don't believe in falling in love...

I know I said it here and here for sure. :)

Well, I lied.

I'm in love. Totally, completely, ridiculously smitten. I fell hard and fast, and I don't even care if I end up with a broken heart.

He's the perfect gentleman, waits patiently for me to get ready, is always available when I need to talk, and doesn't hog the bed, but cuddles just enough.

He's a little clumsy, occasionally tripping over his own feet. But he is SO dang cute.

I know, I'm a lucky girl.

If you met him, I PROMISE you would fall in love too!

Wanna see a picture of this boy that has captured my heart?

Scroll down!

Isn't he PRECIOUS?!?!?

Told ya you'd fall in love too!

Me. In Song.

I heart this song. A lot. It just speaks to me.

Hell, in most ways, it IS me.

Might as well own who you are, and love it. And to hell with anyone who doesn't :)

Music Speaks When Words Can't :)

How Disney Is Hurting Our Daughters

I think we are doing our daughters a serious disservice.

We show them movies of princes fighting dragons and then whisking the princess off to happily ever after.

We read them stories of courageous men who, against all odds, become the hero and win the girl.

We allow them to believe that Prince Charming is just around the corner.

And we fail to prepare them for reality.

Because the truth is, most men are not Prince Charming.

The vast majority of men will use her, break her heart, and walk out without a second thought.

This is the reality that we fail to give our daughters the proper guidance to navigate through.

They go out into the world, expecting to find the fairytale romance that they have seen played over and over again in the movies, and have no idea that what is really out there is cold, cruel, and disappointing.

Life isn't a Twilight Movie.

But try explaining that to a 15 year old girl.

The sad fact is that there are very few (although admittedly, some) men who fit the hero role. Who will treat her the way she deserves. Who will make her his princess. And who will give her a happily ever after.

Much more likely is that he will use her for everything she is worth and then, like a total coward, sneak away without so much as the dignity to say goodbye. He will abandon her without second thought of her feelings, her heart, her well-being, or her innocence. He will protect himself instead of consider how to protect her. He will tell her lies and then fail to follow through on promises. He will leave her broken, and never even think to help pick up the pieces.

This, my friends, is what we need to be preparing our girls for.

They need to understand how to guard their hearts, protect their spirits, and prevent themselves from being abused and broken. They need to understand that not every tall, dark, and handsome man is a hero. Villains come in pretty packaging too.

Mostly, our daughters need to understand that a fairytale ending usually doesn't come from a man sweeping them off their feet and riding into the sunset. It comes from a man who is honest, stable, loving, and willing to stick it out through good times and bad.

This is the hero worth waiting for. And unfortunately, he may take a while to show up. Or he may not come at all. But we need to teach our daughters to be discerning, careful, and smart. To protect themselves, and not blindly jump on the back of the horse of the first good-looking guy that comes along.

Because it isn't worth settling for the villian. Ever.

I'd Rather Be Lonely Than Broken

I'd Rather Be Lonely Than Broken

Really.

I have no desire to EVER have to pick up the pieces of myself, or my heart, or my life, again.

But if you let someone in, that's exactly how it will end up.

You've been warned.

Exactly What I Need

We all know that I'm not big into the God thing lately. However, I am a firm believer that he puts the exact people in your life that you need.

Today, that was proven.

Today sucked. Seeeriously sucked. I was ready to crawl under the table and cry, kind of sucked.

And I did cry (not under a table, but if you know me at all, you know this is a big deal).

But I got through it. And not alone.

See, I have some amazing friends. And somehow, they just knew what I needed in order to not fall to pieces today.

I have my BFF, who ALWAYS knows the right things to say and managed to make me smile through my tears via Facebook posts.

Then, I had a friend come through for me last minute with my kiddos, without ever being asked.

As I drove home from class tonight, I was dreading spending the evening alone with my thoughts and a house in shambles. But I walk in the door to find friends who not only helped out with the kiddos but cleaned the house and kept me company.

So instead of feeling completely alone and overwhelmed and helpless, I got to smile and laugh and forget about everything for a while. (And I got a clean house - which in itself is a small miracle)

So really, these people came through for me when I needed them most. And that's not a coincidence.

I just hope that I can do the same for them or someone else, when they need a friend.

Letting Go

If it's easy to let it go, you probably shouldn't have held onto it for so long.

Unfortunately, the reverse of that is not always true.

Just because some things are hard to let go of doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it anyway.

It's hard for an addict to put down the crack, but it's probably definitely in his best interest.

Take me, for example... I spend so much time needing to be validated that I allowed my self-worth to be determined by someone who probably shouldn't be allowed to decide what movie to watch. I got so caught up in holding onto a status quo, that I forgot to check if that status quo was good, or even healthy, for me.

I just wanted stability, for once in my life. Not "the one" true love, not a fairytale ending, not some impossible dream. Just stability. The irony is that I was searching for it from arguably the most unstable person I've ever known.

So for as smart as I am, I become a complete idiot when it comes to relationships.

However, I am pretty sure of one thing...

That stability I wanted so badly? I have it. By being able to walk through this unscathed, and pick up the pieces that someone attempted (unsuccessfully) to shatter, I have created my OWN stability.

Call me cocky, but that's my strongest asset... the ability to manage to always make it through okay. Without mental breakdowns or total destruction or mass casualty. That, my friends, is stability.

Not competely what I'm looking for but, right now, I'll take it.

Letting go is easy... that says a LOT

Here's To Us

Well, it's about time I get back to the things I love, isn't it?

Like laying in my super comfy bed and enjoying a glass of fabulously sweet wine after a very nice evening filled with laughter and fun.

Life is too short to be wasted on things that don't matter. Life is too short to be unhappy. And life is waaaay too short to settle for less than what you want.

So this is me, doing what I want... Taking in a deep breath, and letting out a sigh of relief.

Guess what? In less than 2 weeks, I will have completed a goal that has haunted me for 10 years... I will officially have a Masters Degree in Accounting.

I have a job lined up, a house picked out, and the whole world in front of me.

The last 2 years have been tough. Tougher than I thought they'd be. But they were good for memories made, the small victories, and the lessons learned. The sacrifices were hard. The choices were tough. But they were worth it. When I reflect on them, I'll appreciate them for what they were...

I certainly don't want to go back though. Life is about moving forward. It's about growing, and changing, and making your tomorrow better than your yesterday.

And trust me, I know for a FACT tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

So, here's to those with the courage to do what it takes to follow their dreams.

Here's to those with the strength to wait for what they deserve instead of settling for what's in front of them.

And here's to those who believe that their tomorrows will be better than their yesterdays.

Because that's what makes it all worth it.