I'm BAACKKK....

Well, I guess my New Years Resolution went down the drain, huh? Oops.
I promise not to abandon y'all like that again.

I've been pulled in a million different directions. There are TONS of stories. But for the sake of time, we'll just stick with the highlights!

I'm SINGLE. And living by myself. (Well, there is a rambuctious - and currently grounded - 5 year old and a hermit roommate technically living in the house too, but you know what I mean). After MONTHS of craziness that included me going to jail for assault (totally bullshit charges, and both the cops AND the judge agreed), that part of my life is closed. New chapter please. The worst part? I have to mow my own lawn. And I HATE it. But if that's as bad as it gets, I'll take it. Or I'll just bribe some boy to do it for me. :)

I'm still in school, and still have my 4.0. Booyah. No lies, school is kinda kicking my ass. Mostly because of 8 AM classes and lots of "projects". Gag. But May will be here soon enough, and graduating will feel OH. SO. GOOD.

JC is completing this school year with my parents in Cheyenne. And it's heartbreaking. And it's hard. And I HATE every minute of it. But sometimes it's just not all about me, and I have to focus on the bigger picture.

I STILL don't have my truck. Actually, I'm not sure I even mentioned this.... my engine blew back in July (affectionately referred to as HELL month). My new engine (costing more than this semester of college - seriously) was supposed to be here August 12th. Yep. It's September 27th. I agree. That's a PROBLEM. Workin' on it. What can I say? People are stupid.

Still hanging in there. Still trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. Still not sure.
Still missing my friends, among others. Still finding myself. Still working on the bucket list.

I'm going to CHURCH. *Gasp* I know. 3 Sundays in a row. For me, that's a record. I'm trying this new thing, and we'll see how it goes. I'm also considering singing and playing guitar again in church. Maaaybe. Still not over the complex.

OK, well I have a test and a project at school tomorrow. So for this moment, I have to sign off. But I swear it won't be 2 months before I'm back. I missed y'all!

Unfortunately...

... I would LOVE to tell ya'll in detail all the insanity that is my life right now, but my blog has some stalkers readers that make it impossible to share the current situation.

So for now, there is this...

I am okay. I will be just fine. I am tougher than anything anyone can put me through, and I will be better and stronger on the other side of this. Sure it sucks right now, but it's those of us who KEEP perserving and don't quit that are better in the end. Quitters have nothing to show but a long line of failures. And success is getting up one more time than you get knocked down.

I got knocked down, hard. But guess what? I'm getting back on my feet. I'm hanging in there. With some brand new views and outlooks!
And for the record, the last couple of days have shown me that there ARE good people in the world who will come through for you when you need it most. The kindness of complete strangers (now friends) amazes me

Finally, I'm looking SO forward to this weekend. It will be EXACTLY what I need. So excited.

Well, I'm off. This girl has a full schedule and lots going on.

But remember... I'll be FINE.

Freedom and Other Things...

You know the moment when you feel the most free? It's the moment when you finally just let go. Suddenly, all the stress and frustration and anger just melts away and you can simply accept things for what they are and move forward.

I did this today.

It feels sooooooooo good.

I've been putting so much time and energy and effort into something that was an uphill battle. I've been fighting a fight that I am probably never going to win. I have been wearing myself out and making myself physically sick trying to make things work out. But they just aren't.

Today, though, it hit me like a ton of bricks. THIS is my life. THIS is what I have to enjoy. I have today. I probably have tomorrow, but you never know.

I keep telling myself that if I just meet the next goal, then I will be happy. If I just get my degree, get a better job, marry an amazing man, etc. etc. etc. THEN I will be happy. But it's not about then, it's about NOW. Today.

I have a beautiful life. It's complicated, it's messy, and it's not always easy. But nothing worth having is. It is beautiful. I have a roof over my head, 2 boys who adore me, and I'm fulfilling my dream of going back to school. No, I don't have a job. But things are working themselves out for now. And when they don't, I'll figure it out. I always land on my feet.

It's not about making a mad dash to the end and missing everything along the way. This is a journey. My journey. I don't want to look back and only remember the blur. I want to remember the days, the moments, the memories that make it all worth it. I want to find my happiness right now. Not in a degree or a job or a man. But in the here and now.

Life isn't measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.

I plan to spend way more time living that way. And the first step in doing that was to just let go. So today I did.

I feel free.