I've had this conversation a million times. It almost always comes after the "What do you do?" (I'm an Accountant) and "Where are you from?" (Colorado). Further inquiry confirms that I am, indeed, a single mom and no, my ex-husband is not involved, in fact he's about as helpful as a pile of dirt. From there, it's ALWAYS "So do you have family close to help you?".
Nope. My closest family lives 1200 miles away.
Gasp.
The reactions range from shock to pity to that look of "what is wrong with you (or your family) that you would choose to live so far from any form of help?!"
Normally I wave it off with some reply about how I enjoy my independence and my boys and I are a great team that get along just fine.
Normally.
This last week, however, I've been questioning my own sanity. People are right - what AM I doing hundreds of miles from my mom, sisters, aunts, cousins, anyone related to me?
In the past few days, I have graduated with a Master's Degree, found (and signed a lease on) a house in Houston, where I will be moving in just a couple of days, packed my house, adopted a very non-housebroken puppy, dealt with my 7 year olds out of control tantrums (I so thought we were through this phase - nope), and somehow managed to keep a roof over my boys' heads, food in their stomachs, and good dreams in their heads as they drift off to sleep. Oh, and I'm doing all this with a 104 fever and seriously the worst case of strep ever.
I conceed. I'm crazy. And I want my mom!
It's times like this when I wonder what in the world I'm doing. Why did I just sign on for at least another 2 years here in Texas with my new job? Why don't I want to be back in Colorado, where I have help, and babysitters, and family? Why do I insist on consistently going at it alone? How bad could it possibly be to have someone to come pick up the boys and take care of them so I can lay in bed for a few hours trying to get better? How awful could it be to have someone bring me soup and my favorite Jell-O? Why don't I want grandparents close to take the kiddos on Friday night? What is wrong with me?!?
I'm still working on the answer to this, for sure. But I think it has something to do with me being able to live my life. To not feel stiffled and stuck and have to bend to someone else's expectations.
I do that a lot when I'm around my family. And it's not good - for me or them.
I guess Texas is my way to live my life the way I want to. And if that means having to help with homework and clean up puppy messes with a 104 degree fever every once in a while, then so be it.
This is the life I chose. And while it is a little crazy, it works for my boys and me.
And isn't that what really matters, anyway?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
I lied...
I think I've said about a thousand times that I don't believe in falling in love...
I know I said it here and here for sure. :)
Well, I lied.
I'm in love. Totally, completely, ridiculously smitten. I fell hard and fast, and I don't even care if I end up with a broken heart.
He's the perfect gentleman, waits patiently for me to get ready, is always available when I need to talk, and doesn't hog the bed, but cuddles just enough.
He's a little clumsy, occasionally tripping over his own feet. But he is SO dang cute.
I know, I'm a lucky girl.
If you met him, I PROMISE you would fall in love too!
Wanna see a picture of this boy that has captured my heart?
Scroll down!
I know I said it here and here for sure. :)
Well, I lied.
I'm in love. Totally, completely, ridiculously smitten. I fell hard and fast, and I don't even care if I end up with a broken heart.
He's the perfect gentleman, waits patiently for me to get ready, is always available when I need to talk, and doesn't hog the bed, but cuddles just enough.
He's a little clumsy, occasionally tripping over his own feet. But he is SO dang cute.
I know, I'm a lucky girl.
If you met him, I PROMISE you would fall in love too!
Wanna see a picture of this boy that has captured my heart?
Scroll down!
Isn't he PRECIOUS?!?!?
Told ya you'd fall in love too!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Me. In Song.
I heart this song. A lot. It just speaks to me.
Hell, in most ways, it IS me.
Might as well own who you are, and love it. And to hell with anyone who doesn't :)
How Disney Is Hurting Our Daughters
I think we are doing our daughters a serious disservice.
We show them movies of princes fighting dragons and then whisking the princess off to happily ever after.
We read them stories of courageous men who, against all odds, become the hero and win the girl.
We allow them to believe that Prince Charming is just around the corner.
And we fail to prepare them for reality.
Because the truth is, most men are not Prince Charming.
The vast majority of men will use her, break her heart, and walk out without a second thought.
This is the reality that we fail to give our daughters the proper guidance to navigate through.
They go out into the world, expecting to find the fairytale romance that they have seen played over and over again in the movies, and have no idea that what is really out there is cold, cruel, and disappointing.
Life isn't a Twilight Movie.
But try explaining that to a 15 year old girl.
The sad fact is that there are very few (although admittedly, some) men who fit the hero role. Who will treat her the way she deserves. Who will make her his princess. And who will give her a happily ever after.
Much more likely is that he will use her for everything she is worth and then, like a total coward, sneak away without so much as the dignity to say goodbye. He will abandon her without second thought of her feelings, her heart, her well-being, or her innocence. He will protect himself instead of consider how to protect her. He will tell her lies and then fail to follow through on promises. He will leave her broken, and never even think to help pick up the pieces.
This, my friends, is what we need to be preparing our girls for.
They need to understand how to guard their hearts, protect their spirits, and prevent themselves from being abused and broken. They need to understand that not every tall, dark, and handsome man is a hero. Villains come in pretty packaging too.
Mostly, our daughters need to understand that a fairytale ending usually doesn't come from a man sweeping them off their feet and riding into the sunset. It comes from a man who is honest, stable, loving, and willing to stick it out through good times and bad.
This is the hero worth waiting for. And unfortunately, he may take a while to show up. Or he may not come at all. But we need to teach our daughters to be discerning, careful, and smart. To protect themselves, and not blindly jump on the back of the horse of the first good-looking guy that comes along.
Because it isn't worth settling for the villian. Ever.
We show them movies of princes fighting dragons and then whisking the princess off to happily ever after.
We read them stories of courageous men who, against all odds, become the hero and win the girl.
We allow them to believe that Prince Charming is just around the corner.
And we fail to prepare them for reality.
Because the truth is, most men are not Prince Charming.
The vast majority of men will use her, break her heart, and walk out without a second thought.
This is the reality that we fail to give our daughters the proper guidance to navigate through.
They go out into the world, expecting to find the fairytale romance that they have seen played over and over again in the movies, and have no idea that what is really out there is cold, cruel, and disappointing.
Life isn't a Twilight Movie.
But try explaining that to a 15 year old girl.
The sad fact is that there are very few (although admittedly, some) men who fit the hero role. Who will treat her the way she deserves. Who will make her his princess. And who will give her a happily ever after.
Much more likely is that he will use her for everything she is worth and then, like a total coward, sneak away without so much as the dignity to say goodbye. He will abandon her without second thought of her feelings, her heart, her well-being, or her innocence. He will protect himself instead of consider how to protect her. He will tell her lies and then fail to follow through on promises. He will leave her broken, and never even think to help pick up the pieces.
This, my friends, is what we need to be preparing our girls for.
They need to understand how to guard their hearts, protect their spirits, and prevent themselves from being abused and broken. They need to understand that not every tall, dark, and handsome man is a hero. Villains come in pretty packaging too.
Mostly, our daughters need to understand that a fairytale ending usually doesn't come from a man sweeping them off their feet and riding into the sunset. It comes from a man who is honest, stable, loving, and willing to stick it out through good times and bad.
This is the hero worth waiting for. And unfortunately, he may take a while to show up. Or he may not come at all. But we need to teach our daughters to be discerning, careful, and smart. To protect themselves, and not blindly jump on the back of the horse of the first good-looking guy that comes along.
Because it isn't worth settling for the villian. Ever.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
I'd Rather Be Lonely Than Broken
I'd Rather Be Lonely Than Broken
Really.
I have no desire to EVER have to pick up the pieces of myself, or my heart, or my life, again.
But if you let someone in, that's exactly how it will end up.
You've been warned.
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