Unfortunately...

... I would LOVE to tell ya'll in detail all the insanity that is my life right now, but my blog has some stalkers readers that make it impossible to share the current situation.

So for now, there is this...

I am okay. I will be just fine. I am tougher than anything anyone can put me through, and I will be better and stronger on the other side of this. Sure it sucks right now, but it's those of us who KEEP perserving and don't quit that are better in the end. Quitters have nothing to show but a long line of failures. And success is getting up one more time than you get knocked down.

I got knocked down, hard. But guess what? I'm getting back on my feet. I'm hanging in there. With some brand new views and outlooks!
And for the record, the last couple of days have shown me that there ARE good people in the world who will come through for you when you need it most. The kindness of complete strangers (now friends) amazes me

Finally, I'm looking SO forward to this weekend. It will be EXACTLY what I need. So excited.

Well, I'm off. This girl has a full schedule and lots going on.

But remember... I'll be FINE.

Freedom and Other Things...

You know the moment when you feel the most free? It's the moment when you finally just let go. Suddenly, all the stress and frustration and anger just melts away and you can simply accept things for what they are and move forward.

I did this today.

It feels sooooooooo good.

I've been putting so much time and energy and effort into something that was an uphill battle. I've been fighting a fight that I am probably never going to win. I have been wearing myself out and making myself physically sick trying to make things work out. But they just aren't.

Today, though, it hit me like a ton of bricks. THIS is my life. THIS is what I have to enjoy. I have today. I probably have tomorrow, but you never know.

I keep telling myself that if I just meet the next goal, then I will be happy. If I just get my degree, get a better job, marry an amazing man, etc. etc. etc. THEN I will be happy. But it's not about then, it's about NOW. Today.

I have a beautiful life. It's complicated, it's messy, and it's not always easy. But nothing worth having is. It is beautiful. I have a roof over my head, 2 boys who adore me, and I'm fulfilling my dream of going back to school. No, I don't have a job. But things are working themselves out for now. And when they don't, I'll figure it out. I always land on my feet.

It's not about making a mad dash to the end and missing everything along the way. This is a journey. My journey. I don't want to look back and only remember the blur. I want to remember the days, the moments, the memories that make it all worth it. I want to find my happiness right now. Not in a degree or a job or a man. But in the here and now.

Life isn't measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.

I plan to spend way more time living that way. And the first step in doing that was to just let go. So today I did.

I feel free.

My Bitch List...

So you may just want to skip this post... because I'm telling you now it's not nice or happy or full of roses. Sorry. For those of you that can hang... enjoy.

I can not STAND men who act like children. I can not stand laziness, sloth, lack of ambition, childishness, and immaturity. A couple hints for men who want to attract women worth keeping -


1) Have a damn job. Living off mommy and daddy is NOT attractive. No matter how much money they throw at you. It's repulsive actually. And says a whole lot about your integrity and work ethics.


2) Eat your F-ing vegetables. Sorry, I'm not your mother and this is not a restaurant. If you want your mother's cooking, and sympathy, then go back to living with HER.


3) On that note - if a woman feels like she has to be your mother, there is no way in hell she is going to want to go to bed with you. Mother and sex goddess are 2 entirely different people. You can't have both. You can have someone to mother you, feel sorry for you, clean up after you, and take care of you, OR you can have a chick that can rock your world and be your equal. Choose wisely.


4) STOP overcompensating. It's not attractive. We already know.


5) What's worse than a man's faults? A man who DENIES those faults or makes excuses for them or gets pissed off when you point them out. Seriously, don't get mad at ME because YOU failed 3 semesters of college or lived with your parents through most of your twenties or didn't have a girlfriend until you were 21 or have to beg your college professors to give you the grade you want. I'm just saying... Facts are facts.

6) The words "You have no idea what I went through back when _____________ (fill in the blank)" say to women "I'm pathetic and make excuses for my actions cuz I'm not man enough to own them".


People who are lazy, indifferent, and really don't give a fuck piss me off. Kids who show up in class and do nothing but get through it are close to the top of my shit list right now. People who's parents put them through college and ALL they have to do is show up and do their best, yet they blow it off and waste the opportunity annoy me. Because the rest of us get to actually work our asses off to be there, and are grateful for the chance. So stop being ignorant and realize that there is more to life than 6 packs, tanning, and video games.


Oh, and people - LEARN TO BE INDEPENDENT. How long are you going to leech off our your family? At what point do you realize that self sufficiency really is worth the hard work and sacrifice? I am grateful everyday that my parents forced me to grow up and take care of myself and figure out my own shit. I don't have a crutch. I don't have a fallback plan. I don't have a get to run home when things get hard. Instead, I get to do it by myself. And it's been hard. Reallly hard sometimes. But it's worth it. Because the sense of accomplishment is amazing. I have something to be proud of. Anything I have, it's because I've worked for it. Anything that I do, it's me. Can you say that? NOPE. Independence is worth it. Try it. Or continue to suck your family dry. Whatever works for you I guess.





Ok, that's all. I'm off to a hot bath and studying...