Not Me Monday

"Not Me Monday" is a tribute to all the things that we don't do... Enjoy mine and then catch some more at MckMama's blog.



I did NOT spend over 24 hours of this weekend sleeping. I am a responsible mother and adult and would never waste the precious time I have on Saturdays and Sundays in bed.

I did NOT make waffles for breakfast on Sunday - at NOON. But, they were Texas waffles*, and they came with strawberries and maple syrup, so does that make it better?

I did NOT pretend not to notice that my son's effort at cleaning his room included throwing all his dirty clothes behind his couch because I wasn't in the mood to deal with it. I would never let my son think he got away with breaking the rules just because I was too lazy to "catch" him.

What did you not do today?

*Side note - have you EVER seen a state with more pride than Texas? I mean, maybe it's just me, but I've never seen a Colorado waffle maker. However, you can buy a Texas shaped waffle maker on pretty much every corner. Gotta love it.

Not Me Monday...

For all the things we "didn't" do, MckMama created Not Me Mondays! Enjoy mine, then jump over to her blog for more.




I did NOT take last Friday off for my sanity. I am much more dilligent and responsible than that, and I would never allow my paycheck to shrink for the sake of a day without having to deal with an insane overzealous boss.

I did NOT allow my children to run through the water park fully clothed and without sunscreen over the weekend.

I am a responsible parent who always remembers the essentials like swimsuits and SPF 50 protection.

I did NOT get up super early on Sunday for Easter traditions and church, and then proceed to take a nap before cooking Easter dinner.

I would never miss out on the opportunity to spend quality time with family during the holidays to take advantage of a chance to sleep.

Finally, I did NOT beg my 5 year old to stop playing with his loose tooth because the very idea of teeth falling out makes me nauseous. I did NOT have a terrible experience with losing teeth as a child, and now shudder everything time my child opens his mouth and says "hey Mom, LOOK". Yuck!

What did you NOT do this week?

Not Me Monday

For all the embarassing, silly, or shameful things that we "don't" do, MckMama has created Not Me Mondays. Read mine, then jump over to her's to check out some others!





        I do NOT own a 2001 Kawasaki Ninja that I absolutely adore.

This bike is NOT absolutely my pride and joy. And I am always careful and never do anything stupid daredevilish on it.

I did NOT take it out for a quick ride yesterday without doing a pre-ride check to make sure everything was ok.

This did NOT cause me to run out of gas miles from home.

I did NOT spend an hour hoping someone would answer their phone to come rescue me before resigning myself to the fact that I was going to be walking a few miles.

I was NOT so mad that I threw Cadberry Eggs into the middle of road because they were melting in my hands and getting on my nerves. And of course it didn't make me feel better to watch them get run over by oncoming traffic :)

I did NOT have 9 different creepy guys stop and offer me a ride during my walk, all of which I turned down. Further proof that a) I definitly need a concealed handgun license and b) I've gotten slightly smarter since my running around the country with truckers days.

I did NOT discover after the fact that my bike has a reserve tank and all I had to do was flip a switch in order to have another gallon of gas that would have gotten me to the gas station.

You learn something new everyday...

Not Me Monday

For all the things that we “don’t” do – MckMama has created Not Me Mondays. Enjoy my (SUPER embarrassing) post, and then jump over the MckMama’s site for more…



I did NOT have family coming into town last minute this weekend, and therefore spent 3 days scrambling to turn a mess of a house into a beautiful retreat for my incredibly picky parents.

This did NOT include me doing 13 loads of laundry that had piled up. Seriously, how do 3 people create 13 loads of laundry?

Some of that said laundry did NOT end up in a pile in my closet after it had been washed, because I simply didn’t have time to fold it and put it away. Which led to this incredibly embarrassing moment –

On Thursday morning, I did NOT get ready in the dark in a futile attempt to avoid waking up my 5 year old who had decided to sneak into my bed in the middle of the night. This did NOT lead to me fumbling through the laundry pile in the closet in complete blackness trying to find and put on a complete outfit. And in my haste, there was no time to glance in the mirror and make sure everything looked okay before running out the door, so I did NOT assume that I’m super talented and head off to work without a double check.

An hour later, I was NOT standing in my employee’s office having a conversation with him about the day’s tasks when I looked down and saw something black and lacy on the floor between us. He did NOT pick it up and then start laughing at the horrified look on my face when I realized it was my PANTIES. Somehow they had gotten caught in the leg of my pants that I pulled from the laundry and made their way onto the floor in front of us.

He and another employee did not proceed to play “catch” with them while I considered A) quitting b) crying and c) both

It’s been a looong time since I’ve been that humiliated.

And you can bet I will NOT ever get dressed in the dark again. And that’s a promise!

Not Me Monday...

"Not Me" Monday's were created by MckMama. Enjoy mine, and then jump over to her blog to read what other "Not Me-ers" are doing!




It was NOT me who went out and had entirely too much to drink Saturday in the spirit of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. It wasn't me who was unable to turn down the free alcohol and therefore ended up ridiculously drunk. It also wasn't me who walked all the way back to the truck barefoot.



It was also not me that looked at my alarm clock on Sunday morning, and promptly decided that we would be skipping church this weekend. And of course, that decision had nothing to do with the night before.



Finally, it was NOT me who, upon getting out of bed, discovered everyone lounging on the couch and my entire house in shambles, including an overturned bowl of fruit loops on the floor and milk EVERYWHERE. (I would have taken pictures, but I was waaaay too unhappy at that point) And of course, being the responsible parent that I am, I did NOT grab my truck keys and my gun, and tell my children and boyfriend in a not exactly nice way that I was leaving, and the house had better be fixed when I got back. I did not then go take my aggression out on the targets at the shooting range, and come back to a - mostly - clean house and children who looked like the fear of God had been put in them...



I guess it's true, when Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...



What did you NOT do today?

Not Me Monday

Ever thrown everything in a closet just as the doorbell rang in order to present a clean house to guests? Or let laundry pile so high that you need a forklift to move it? For those of us who would never do these things, MckMama has created Not Me Monday. Read mine, and then jump over to her blog to enjoy other "Not Me's"! Happy Reading...






It is not me who is currently writing a blog instead of completing my entrance essays for the University of Texas. I would never procrastinate on something that is so important to my future. And it's certainly not me who is thinking "I can do them this weekend", knowing that they have to be turned in by March 1st, which is Monday. That leaves lots of time for editing and revising, especially since it's so crucial that it's perfect. Nice.



It is also not me who has been ridiculously sick for a week now, but who refuses to stay home from work because I just can't afford it. You have to love not getting PTO until after a YEAR of working for the company. So instead I get to drag my super sick butt to work everyday and be incredibly non-productive for a week at a time, when one day of total rest and recuperation could probably fix the issue and I'd be back to normal. Gotta love corporate America.



Finally, it is certainly not me who left the boys with a babysitter for a couple hours to go shoot my gun at the indoor shooting range. It's also not me who is an ah-maz-ing shot. Burglars and crazy exes beware :) Just sayin'... Although my ears are still ringing, and my hand is still bleeding from the gun shots. Totally worth it!

Not Me Monday!

For all of us who DON'T do things that are silly, embarrassing, irresponsible, or just plain ridiculous, MckMama has created Not Me Monday. Read mine, and then jump over to MckMama's blog to enjoy more things that we as women would NEVER do :)



I did NOT buy cupcakes from the store for my son's Valentine's Day party at daycare. I would NEVER pass up the opportunity to spend quality mother/son time baking and decorating cupcakes for hours just to have a clean kitchen and a decent's night sleep.

I also did NOT seriously consider taking the day off today, in the name of mental health. I would never fathom creating a tale to my boss about a sick child or non-working vehicle in order to avoid another 10 hour day of insanity and get a little R&R. Or worse, I would NEVER tell him what I really think - If it's good enough for the schools and banks to be closed, it should CERTAINLY be good enough for our little 30 person distribution operation to have a day off. What can I say? He's French. Apparently President's Day doesn't count!

Finally, I did NOT get home today to find my garage door up, and then proceed to stalk through my house with a loaded gun Mission Impossible style to make sure that no one was hiding in a closet or shower. I've known for a few days that someone in my neighborhood likely has their garage door coded the same as mine, so mine opens when their's does. And of course that stopped me from creeping through the house with my finger on the trigger of a 40 cal gun that I probably have no business owning anyway, hoping I didn't actually run into someone because I have NO idea what I would've done next. Shot them? Not likely. Dropped the gun and ended up shooting myself? Probably. But the theme music in my head and adrenaline pumping through my veins was pretty great :)

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me Monday... where we all confess to all of the things that we "haven't done". Check out mine, and then jump over to MckMama's blog for more...



It was NOT me who opened my refrigerator today and discovered that I haven't been shopping in weeks. This is what I found...




Eggs? Nope. Milk? Nonexistent. Veggies? Yea right.

However, this is what I DON'T have in my fridge -

1 giant bottle of Patron Silver A girl's gotta have her margaritas
A fridge pack of Dr Pepper Not even diet - shame on me
A birthday cake with REAL icing I ate a HUGE piece with a icing rose
A white chocolate raspberry brulee cheesecake WOW
Chocolate, in about 15 different forms I work for a specialty foods company - what do you expect
Wine x 4 bottles Mmmmhhhhhmmmm... new found love for wine is obvious
Beer Still a little country in all this sophistication
Toffee Totally my weakness - Even in the picture, it's screaming "EAT ME"
Peanut Butter Pie From Friday's - So can't help it.

Wow. I am not ASHAMED of my hormonal, binge drinking college student fridge. I think some serious grocery shopping needs to happen.

I also did NOT turn my birthday into an entire weekend celebration. I did not completely freak out about turning 26. And I certainly did NOT stay in bed until noon on my birthday sleeping off the wild night before.

Oh - and GUESS what?!?! I am NOT going to New York City to see Michael Bublé in March!

Ok, YES I AM. And I am SO excited!!!!

Getting old isn't so bad :) Life is beautiful!

Not Me Monday

We all have our "there is no way I would ever do that, except that I actually did" moments... MckMama pays tribute to these moments with "Not Me Monday". Enjoy mine, and then jump over to MckMama's blog to see more!
So this was quite a week...

It wasn't me who managed to lock my keys in my truck twice in less than a week. And since I of course have never made a spare, I got the distinct pleasure of calling the locksmith, twice. Who by the way, also reminded me that my temp tags were expired and technically he shouldn't even let me in my truck without up to date plates - which of course were sitting on my kitchen counter and have been for a month. So that would've been an easy fix, except I was at work an hour away. So he tells me "That's fine, I just need to see your drivers license to confirm you are the owner of the vehicle". Perfect. Except that my driver's license is locked INSIDE the truck in my purse. If I had grabbed my purse in the first place, I wouldn't be in this mess. Fortunately, I smiled pretty and played with my obviously blonde hair, and he let it slide - BOTH times.

I guess the good news is that while the 1st call cost me $50, the 2nd call was free. I'm pretty sure I either got the "this dumb blonde is going to be a great customer" discount or the "I feel bad charging a total retard for stupidity she obviously can't help" discount. Not sure which.

Oh, and it also wasn't me who even after that fiasco still hasn't made a spare. Awesome.

It was also NOT me who, after spending an hour cleaning the bathroom earlier in the day, woke up my 7 year old from a dead sleep at 10 P.M. and made him clean up the freshly created urine splashes on the back of the toilet.

And it was certainly NOT me who took an entire pile of clean clothes and threw them back in the dirty laundry basket because I was too lazy to fold them and put them away. I would NEVER create more work for myself later by doing that!

What did you not do today?

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

So, I LOVE MckMama and her blogs. I'm actually probably borderline obsessed lol. It feels like you know her, and I've been following her family's AMAZING story for a while now. I especially love her "not me" Mondays, and have decided to participate. Enjoy.

I did NOT put Olive Garden to go boxes in the oven and then turn it on, and come back to melted plastic and seafood alfredo all over the racks. And I certainly did not take a quick picture and then proceed to close the oven door and leave it there. Nope. Not me.



I did NOT move the clock back 30 minutes so I could put the boys in bed and have a few minutes to myself. I would NEVER do that.

And I certainly did not finish my 5 year olds homework for him because I forgot about it before I put him to bed, and didn't want the phone call from his teacher tomorrow explaining the importance of completing all homework. Not me. Never.

And finally, I did not have nachos for lunch and a bottle of wine and gummy bears for dinner. I would never be that irresponsible or unhealthy. Not me.

What did you not do today?