Temper Tantrum Tuesday

It always seems to be on Tuesdays that these things come about. Maybe it’s because I named it “Temper Tantrum Tuesdays” and therefore it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe I should name them “Calm, Wonderful, Quick to fly by without any problems Tuesdays” and I’ll see better results. :)

However, this week I am not the one throwing temper tantrums. It’s everyone else that needs to be sent to time out. For a loooong time. Until they are ready to grow up, act maturely, stop bitching, and most of all leave me the hell out of it!

Who falls in this category? A sister, a child, a man (LOL, I seriously just laughed out loud on that - A man? Probably all men. But I’m referring to a specific one at this moment), a co-worker, a boss, and the jerk who I LET cut me off in traffic this morning and who didn’t give so much as a wave.

I’m not going to go into details on all of them, but I would like to touch on a few key points.
Namely, the sister. Let me preface this by saying this is the sister I don’t talk to. Ever. Normally I don’t share with the world why that is, but since this is MY blog and I’m completely honest in it, I think I will, if only to make the rest of this make sense…

We don’t talk because she slept with my guy. On Christmas Day. While I was asleep in the other room. Nice. And then she called me to bail him out of jail the next day. But that’s a whole different story.

The point here is that we aren’t exactly close. We see each other once a year at Christmas, and we get along well enough for that short time, but that is as deep as our relationship goes. That’s honestly as deep as I care for it to go with someone who has repeatedly acted in the ways she has.

So fast forward to 2 weeks ago… I get a random phone call from my sister. Which is odd. Because she never calls, unless of course she needs something, but that has gotten more rare since the answer is usually “no”. So I call her back and in the 2 minute discussion I find out that a) she is getting married March 7th (Yes, this March 7th- Less than a month from the time I get this news) and b) she demands that I be a bridesmaid because she doesn’t have a whole lot of other options since she acts the same ways in her other relationships as she does in ours. She didn’t say that last part, of course. She just said “You are a bridesmaid and we’re getting dresses from David’s Bridal”. That’s it.

So I decided to be the bigger person and refrain from all the comments floating through my head (none of which were nice – I’m working on that). Instead, I simply told her congratulations and I’d find a way to make it to the wedding. I then booked a flight, found someone to watch the boys, and made plans to take off work to be there for her wedding.

Fast forward a week. I get a text from my sister, saying that “we need to talk”. Ok. I assume it’s probably about dresses or shoes or god knows what wedding related. So I call her. The conversation goes like this-

SIS: ‘Hello?’
ME: ‘Hey, what’s up?’SIS: ‘I just wanted to talk to you and let you know that there are RULES for this wedding.’
ME: ‘Um, ok… like?’SIS: ‘Your ex is not allowed at MY wedding’.
ME: ‘HUH?!?’

*Note –at this point I am completely confused because for one we’ve been split up for over 2 years, and two I would never consider bringing a guy SHE slept with to her wedding. Might make for some awkward moments during the “you may now kiss the bride” speech, plus I’d prefer she not sleep with him again, so keeping them apart it definitely preferential.

SIS: ‘He is not allowed at the reception. Or the ceremony. Or in the car in the parking lot. Or anywhere near my wedding. I will not have my special day ruined because of him…’ And blah, blah, blah, and on and on and on…
ME: ‘Why would you even think I would bring him to your wedding? I’m not completely stupid, sister.’SIS: ‘Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah’ and on and on and on about how she’ll have restraining orders put out and all sorts of craziness.
ME: ‘K. Whatever. Got it.’SIS: Ok, honestly I can’t remember what she said specifically at this point because it was all running together about how she refused to let him anywhere near the wedding and she hated him and didn’t want her wedding ruined and on and on and on. I had had enough.
ME: ‘Yea, I probably wouldn’t want a guy I fucked at my wedding either’

*Note – Yes, I realize that wasn’t very nice. But really, enough is enough. It’s not like I had RSVPed him to come to the wedding with me, or even hinted in any way that I was going to invite him. I even acknowledged what she said and tried to just let it go at that. But she just. Kept. Pushing.

Silence.

SIS: ‘That was highly uncalled for, and if you make another comment like that I’m going to have you removed from the wedding party’.
ME: ‘Sister, I didn’t even get asked to be in your wedding. I got told. ‘SIS: ‘So you don’t want to be in my wedding?’
ME: ‘Honestly, sister, I think it would be best if you ask someone that you talk to more than once a year. I’m more than willing to come to the wedding, and be there to help if you need something, and be a part of your day, but I’m just not sure it’s the best idea for anyone for me to be in it’

What happened next was some combination of her yelling and crying and hanging up on me. Followed by a ridiculous phone call from her fiancé stating that since he was paying for the wedding, that everyone had to follow his rules, and I was uninvited to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and would only be allowed at the wedding if I apologized and how I’m the worst sister in the world for making my sister feel that way.

Notes –
A) These 2 have the most volatile relationship I’ve ever seen. They’ve both gone to jail for domestic violence on one another, there are been restraining orders put out, he has left her in a city 200 miles from home, and I can’t even count the number of times she would call me sobbing on one line while he called me screaming and calling her a psychotic lunatic on the other.

B) My sister isn’t exactly known for telling the truth, so I can only imagine the story she fed him to piss him off to that extent. I’m pretty sure she failed to mention the whole Christmas Day with my ex part. Just guessing.

C) They are really stuck on this rules thing. Married life should be interesting for them.

Anyway, my sister has proceeded to give everyone a very unpleasant version of those events to family and friends and pretty much anyone else who will listen. It’s ridiculous. So far, I’ve chosen to just let people think what they want instead of explaining myself because I really don’t think it’s any of their business and I don’t want to out my sister as a whore 2 weeks before her wedding. That seems a little tacky. But really, I’ve had just about enough.


Am I wrong? Should I have just sucked it up and been in her wedding? What would you do?


*Final Note – My family has no idea I have this blog, so I am free to write as I please. And no one who will be at her wedding knows either. So I’m not “outing” her on here, just for the record.

PS- That fact that I just felt the need to defend myself in that "Final Note" tells me that this is really getting to me. UGH.

Temper Tantrum Tuesday

So this is becoming a pattern... throwing fits on Tuesdays. Maybe I should create a button and make a link, because I'm pretty sure people can relate :)

KK has been in his room SCREAMING for the last hour and a half. I have tried EVERYTHING, and am at my wits end. He doesn't want to go to sleep, and doesn't want to be in his room. I just don't get it. He has been an angel about going to bed for the last 3 years, and then all of the sudden every freaking night is a WAR. I can't freaking take it. He's exhausted, I'm exhausted, JC is exhausted, and the next morning is not pretty.



I have done everything. I'm made deals, bribed, been firm, laid with him, talked to him. NOTHING works. What is going on? I don't get it. After he screamed for 2 hours the other night, I agreed to let him leave his door open if he promised to go directly to sleep. 45 minutes later I found him in his brother's room watching a movie. So WHAT am I supposed to do? Seriously, I'm open to suggestions.



Ok - next - my job is pissing me off-fa-fa. (Yay Jeff Dunham. If you don't that - google it.)
Anyways, seriously. I am the Accounting and HR Manager for a Gourmet Foods Distribution company. That sounds super exciting and important, right? Nope. The title is pretty, but that's about all that it has going for it. I am way overworked and waaaay underpaid. I work at least 45-50 hours a week, and have totally turned the Accounting and HR department around, but see no reward for it. It's so frustrating. There is lots of screaming and yelling and nitpicking and bitching, but very little positive reinforcement, and no monetary incentive. Ugh. I'm trying to get up the balls to ask for a raise, but I suck at that.

And I hate sleeping alone. Humans are not meant to sleep alone. Lonely is no bueno.

Oh, and people are crazy. Just sayin'...

Ok - time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it...

I have 2 little boys who adore me. They are all I have the majority of the time. KK depends on me. I love that.

I have a job. That's more than over 10% of Americans can say. I make well over miniumum wage, and am able to provide for my boys. Plus, it's gonna look awesome on my resume when I go to get another job.

Sleeping alone still sucks though.

Temper Tantrum Tuesday

WARNING - Do NOT read this blog unless you are prepared to listen to a full out temper tantrum. I promise that as soon as I'm done writing this, I will go directly to time out to collect myself. But for this moment, it's full emotional meltdown. Consider yourself warned.

WTF God?!? Seriously. That's exactly where I'm at right now. I'm out of patience, out of ideas, and frankly, out of "give a shit".

I'm stressed. Tired. Frustrated. On a permanent PMS trip. Annoyed. Irritated. And done.

I've HAD it with my kids. With the disrespect. With the backtalk. With the defiance. With doing it ALONE. You know, last time I checked, I didn't create these 2 boys by myself. Yet, amazingly, I'm raising them completely on my own. So that brings me to the question -

Where the FUCK are their fathers, and WHY aren't they helping?!?!

Oh that's right... because they are losers, deadbeats, and worthless excuses for human beings who have never taken reponsibility for anything a day in their lives. Pathetic.

I am sick of being the only responsible one. Of doing everything all the time. Of never getting to do what I want because I'm the only one here to do what my boys need. I'm tired of all responsibility and no freedom.

I am tired of working 50 hours a week with a boss who drives me INSANE just to make ends meet. Of constantly sacrificing and going without so that they can have what they want. Oh, and the next time I spend 3 hours at Chuck E Cheese and then immediately afterwards get told by my 5 year old "You never do anything for us" I SWEAR I am going to slap someone.

I am so completely tired of nothing I do ever being good enough. Especially for my family. I am 25 years old. At what point do they stop judging and start accepting?

Oh yea, probably never. Hasn't happened yet. Graduating as valedictorian didn't do it. Getting my college degree while raising 2 boys and bartending at night didn't do it. Moving 1000 miles from home to get away from an abusive relationship and becoming competely self sufficient didn't do it.

So, just out of curiousity, what the FUCK will?!?

All I'm looking for here is a little direction. A little help. A little encouragement. And a little bit of a break.

They say that God will meet you where you are. Well, HERE I AM. And guess what? God isn't showing up. At least not in any tangible way that gives me any clue where he is or what I'm supposed to do.

I know that there is a God. I also know that he is big enough to handle my anger. And trust me, I'm angry. Seriously pissed off. So I hope he's ready to take it.

I'm tired of being alone. Tired of being single. Tired of raising kids by myself. Tired of being exhausted all the time. Tired of putting my dreams on hold. Tired of waiting.

It's not fair. And I'm mad.

I know I'm being selfish. I know I'm being immature. And I know I'm being ridiculous. But I just needed to get it out.

So now I'm going to go directly to time out and pull myself together. And tomorrow will be another day. Hopefully a better one. And one without any temper tantrums - at least on my part.